Fashion & Beauty

Taylor Swift needs to ditch her god-awful shoes

Really. Taylor Swift wears some clunky, cheapo, outfit-tainting, all-around awful-looking shoes!

To back track, last month the good folks at People pointed out her trending preference for the lace-up oxford variety, deftly noting “she literally looks like she’s from the 1800s.” Given her New England residency and thirst to join the Kennedy clan we would have said the Mayflower, but fair enough.

The point is that the unsightly situation has continued well into this month, even expanded to include pumps and various kitten styles. Swift’s arsenal of cringe-worthy kicks has grown so large it threatens to hold out through summer. The ugly may even reach September, and we refuse to stand by and watch her ruin a fall boot.

Now, priggish shapes, bad stitching and leathers of questionable quality are one thing, but the problem is exacerbated by Swift’s long legs and the unflattering location at which these ankle-grazing bricks curtail them (Note: “Booties” at this length are the Melissa Joan Harts of footwear — dated, nettlesome and marketed as hot, yet are thoroughly, hopelessly, basic. Don’t you hang out with models, Taylor? Don’t you have millions of dollars?

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Taylor Swift's bad shoes
Nobody said tennis to Taylor when she slipped into these gruesome classics before heading out in NYC. And if she keeps wearing them, no one ever will.INF Photo
Straight up, these lumpy gray, yellow and brown pumps Swift wore around Soho last week look like moldy hot dogs.Splash News
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Here she is leaving the gym two weeks ago in NYC. Just call her Little Red Riding Wreck!Ramey Photo
The semi-OK-ness of this outfit Swift wore earlier this month in NYC comes to a screeching halt as soon as you see those crusty brown laces.Splash News
Taylor Swift's bad shoes
This NYC-appropriate, all-black ensemble from late April might have been Swift’s best to-date, if not for the DSW kitten oxfords she finished it with.Splash News
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Taylor Swift's bad shoes
Perforated, chunky-laced, blah-gray ankle booties — this pair Tay wore around the city back in April is the stuff of nightmares.Splash News
April showers bring May flowers — or, in Swift’s case, a new love for kneesocks, hats and heeled oxfords. Splash News
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We’re not at all saying good shoes are exclusively expensive shoes, but when you’re toting a $2,295 Dolce & Gabbana bag and your feet look bargain-basement discount, the aesthetic contradiction is troubling. If she’s consciously mixing high and low, it comes off as misguided. If she genuinely likes these clunkers, it simply is uncouth.

True, money can’t buy taste, but it’s time Swift confronted the fact that these confounded boot/oxford/pump hybrids are killing her flow. They try — and fail — to be cute, and attempt to outperform ad nauseam. Then again, that rightly describes Swift herself. So as long as the shoes fit, by all means, wear them.