Nora Ephron felt bad about her neck. Most women wish the aging process stopped right there.
Women of a certain age are legion: Every seven seconds, another American turns 50. And while 40 may be the new 30, there’s nothing nifty about 50 — when the one-two punch of hormones and gravity makes you feel as if you’ve hit a wall. Or fallen off a cliff wearing Victoria’s Secret, only to find yourself on the ground, in the forgiving folds of Eileen Fisher.
But not everyone takes aging lying down.
“I’ve had things injected in my face that I wouldn’t clean my house with,” confesses Annabelle Gurwitch, a 52-year-old actress and writer. “I’ve filled, frozen and ultrasounded, all in the name of what is often referred to as ‘maintenance.’ ”
Between pit stops, she wrote a book: “I See You Made an Effort: Compliments, Indignities and Survival Stories from the Edge of 50.” It just may do for aging what “You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up,” the book she wrote with her husband, Jeff Kahn, did for marriage: reflect a little, laugh a lot.
“We see people in the media celebrating their 50th and it can create unrealistic expectations,” says Gurwitch, who years ago pledged her allegiance to Spanx. “Sure, Elle Macpherson is turning 50 — but she was Elle Macpherson to begin with.” Indeed. Here are what her sister actresses tell The Post about the perils and perks of an uncertain age.
The face in the window
“The indignities happen on a daily basis: You feel a certain way inside and then catch your reflection in a plate-glass window, or someone treats you like an older person. I turned to the hair-and-makeup people in Austin, where I’m shooting [the TV pilot “American Crime”], and said, ‘Everyone here has a tattoo. I want a tattoo!’ And they said, ‘Oh, no, that’s for young people.’ But I wonder if my level of happiness goes up in direct proportion to my face slipping south. I was reading some of my old journals — it was so painful getting through a day. I’m so much happier and more peaceful now. Would I like to have this level of satisfaction and appreciation in my 30s? Yes, but I don’t think I could have reached out then and grabbed it.”
— Felicity Huffman (“Desperate Housewives”), 51
After 40, always a mother
“I started doing mother roles at age 40. I was on ‘Guiding Light,’ and the actor playing my son was seven years younger than me. But if you can get through those indignities — and the night sweats, and not being able to read restaurant menus without your glasses — well, you just have to ride with it. I feel smarter, saner, more grounded and less aggravated about life, because I learned, like that silly song, to ‘Let It Go.’ ”
— Saundra Santiago (“Gang Related”), 56
Suddenly, you are your mother
“I remember my parents saying things like, ‘Where does the time go?’ and thinking, ‘Oh, get over it. You’re old!’ But once you’re firmly in your 50s, there’s no denying what’s happening, and all your self-righteous attitudes go right out the window. When you realize there’s a finite amount of time left, you make much clearer decisions about what you want to do with that time. I travel much more, I pay more attention to my children, I’m reading books I always wanted to read. When you’re young, it’s always, ‘But what about me?’ Now I’m genuinely happy for my friends. When I have to cry [for a scene], I think about how wonderful life is, how I love my children and what a great ride I’ve had, and my heart bursts open with gratitude.”
— Jane Kaczmarek (“Malcolm in the Middle”), 58
Dogged by the dwarves of menopause
“You know Suzanne Somers’ ‘Seven Dwarves of Menopause’? Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All-Dried-Up. I have all of them. I used to be beautiful, but now I have a beautiful daughter, who’s 17, and I get no attention on the street whatsoever. I miss getting those catcalls! I don’t want to play the parts I now look right for. And I never sleep. People get e-mails from me at 3, 4 o’clock in the morning. Why is that? There must be some design in nature why women suddenly have energy 24 hours a day. We’re probably supposed to take over the world. We really could.”
— Tonya Pinkins (“All My Children,” “Army Wives”), 51
Looking toward Florida, and the future
“After I turned 50, I was working in Florida and thought, ‘This really isn’t so terrible.’ Before, the thought of moving to Florida used to be off the list! I feel a lot more confident now, and I follow my gut, but I’m starting to get those little f–king dots on my hands. I get kind of sad sometimes. My grandchildren will probably never walk in the park without a phone or something connecting them, or know what it was like to go to Tower Records and spend an hour reading album covers. I’m really glad I had those experiences. And thank you, Eileen Fisher.”
— Judy Gold (“25 Questions for a Jewish Mother”), 51