THERE is no point, no matter how sharp or protrusive – the top of the Eiffel Tower – that will not be missed by many of those who are called upon to provide expert analysis.
On ESPN’s “Outside the Lines,” Wednesday, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen was brought in to discuss NFL matters, including possible punitive action against Chiefs’ RB Larry Johnson, accused of assaulting a woman, his fourth such charge in the last five years.
Mortensen speculated that Chiefs’ coach Herm Edwards is unlikely to allow Johnson to slide. After all, Mortensen concluded, Edwards is the father of two daughters.
Huh? Assaulting women is a depends-on-your-point-of-view issue? Had Edwards (or any other adult male) been the father of two sons he reasonably would be more likely to overlook or even excuse Johnson’s conduct? What if he had one of each; would he be on the fence? One needs to be the father of daughters to grasp the gravity of – or even over-react to – such charges?
Come to think of it, those who should be most disturbed by the charges against Johnson are those whose mothers are women.
On CBS Sports’ Fantasy Football Web site, yesterday, the issue was analyzed with no-nonsense clarity: “Owning Johnson in Fantasy play is a very risky proposition at this point.” Now that’s more like it. Yup, it’s less a case of women beware than buyer beware!
Meantime, Giants’ lineman Barry Cofield Sunday explained the gyrating sack dance he performed that day: “I call it the, ‘Don’t tase me, bro.’ I hope everybody enjoyed it.” Yeah, in the throes of an NFL crime wave, funny stuff.
After two seasons in the baseball postseason business, TBS’s lead play-by-play man, Chip Caray has both times succeeded in stirring the nation’s fans to repeatedly shout a variation of the following question: “What?!”
Caray went seven for seven in this year’s ALCS, butchering simple realties by soaking them in unfiltered nonsense in seven straight games.
When the Rays’ Rocco Baldelli singled in a run during Game 7, Caray didn’t have to say a word. But he followed the comments of analyst Buck Martinez by hollering, “And how big are two-out hits in the postseason?!”
How big? Well, two-out hits are big in the regular season, too – provided that they are. But that wasn’t the problem. When Caray shouted his two-out two cents response to Baldelli’s RBI single, there weren’t two out, there were none out! Caray was working from the Lost & Found box. Again.
And the awkward silence that followed from Martinez and Ron Darling made it incumbent upon Caray to make (or his producer to demand) a correction, a “Gee, what am I thinking?” acknowledgement. None came.
Later, Caray referred to the game, a Game 7 – the decisive game of the series – as “a pivotal game,” as if there would be a Game 8, as if the winner would take the lead.
Last year, during Game 2 of the Yanks-Indians ALDS, Caray twice told a national audience that “The winning run is on second.” The first time he said that was in the bottom of the eighth. The second time was in the top of the ninth.
Mike Francesa on WFAN, Wednesday, called it “comical,” how people in the media have tried to let everyone know how tight they are with Brett Favre. Yeah, we know exactly what he means. There’s this guy on a New York station who pulls that stuff with Bill Parcells, among many others.
Speaking of Francesa, next in to audition as his sidekick will be God, although there’s some concern that He won’t know His place. . . World Series lookalikes (kinda): Joe Maddon and comedian/”Price Is Right” host Drew Carey.
More than a few folks at CBS are not displeased that the network’s Saturday night cage-fighting partner is kaput. Beyond the show serving as a blood sport sell to the young male demographic (best viewed through a plasma TV), CBS staffers were further embarrassed by its low-brow, babes and brutality pro wrestling-style presentation. Genuine mixed martial arts aficionados found it nauseating.
It remains to be seen if CBS Sports’ and MSG Network’s Gus Johnson, the “Get psyched!” host of CBS’s few-holds-barred cage fighting, includes this gig in future bios. Many sports TV folks who threw in with the XFL seem to have forgotten those proud days when listing their career credits.
When does Chris (WFAN, SNY, Rutgers radio, commercial spokesperson) Carlin sleep?