It’s a brand-new ballgame, folks. Sure, Wimbish, Blezow and Ms. Charleen walked off with the Bettor’s Guide hardware (MC in the Women’s Divisions) in the pre-postseason events, but that was back in 2008. Now, it’s all tied up and Hondo is ready to unleash his 2009 BG mojo on the playoffs.
Let’s get right to the niddy-griddy:
Falcons-Cardinals: The Cards failed almost every non-NFC West test, but surely you don’t want to lay points on the road with a rookie QB making his playoff debut. Warner, whose WRs make him the envy of every QB in the league, has been there and won that, so don’t hesitate to bet the vet. Need more sound reasoning? Here’s a trend that shouldn’t be ignored: In the entire history of their franchise, the Cardinals are undefeated in home playoff games, beating the Eagles in 1947 in their only other one. CARDINALS 31, FALCONS 27
Colts-Chargers: Norvelous Norv, who has been accused of being an empty headset by some critics, has the SD “O” norvulating on all cylinders. The Colts, meanwhile, have won their last nine but have been fattening up on dregs since beating the Bolts six games ago. CHARGERS 34, COLTS 24
Ravens-Dolphins: Disregard the above-mentioned theory about avoiding a rookie QB making his playoff debut on the road. This game’s all about the Wildcat Offense against a Mad Dog Defense. The felines are finished. RAVENS 20, DOLPHINS 16
Eagles-Vikings: Both teams arrived fashionably late to the playoff party, but it’s the Vikes who’ll be leaving early. Not only do they have the worst QB in the tourney, but Peterson, in addition to being the rushing leader, also won the Tiki Barber Award for leading the league in fumbles with nine. Philly will CAPITALIZE. EAGLES 27, VIKINGS 17
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According to estimates, Wednesday night’s Times Square celebration generated more than 40 tons of trash, which is somewhat misleading because most of the trash was encased in the frozen urine of drunken revelers.
E-mauler Ed Buckmir submits it was fitting for Hillary and Bubba to assist in the Times Square ball-dropping because that’s what they did last year during her campaign.
It was so frigid in Times Square Wednesday night that Bill said Hillary’s shoulder had never been colder.
Caroline Kennedy’s New Year’s resolution was to stop saying “you know” so often. Unfortunately, she broke it at midnight when she wished everyone: “Happy, you know, New Year!”
That wasn’t as bad as at her wedding, when she said: “I, you know, do.”
CBK’s favorite song, by the way, is Dave Mason’s “Only You Know And I Know.” And her favorite saying is: “You know, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know, you know.”
Bobzilla e-mails to say the Jet disaster was due to injuries, the ones that never happened to Pennington or Favre.
The Cowboys, aka Cowbabies, Cowflops and America’s Gutless Quitters, fired their special teams coach in the wake of their no-show performance in Philly. That’s a little like firing a cabin boy for the Titanic going down.
Charles Barkley, who wants to run for governor of Alabama in 2014, was busted for suspicion of DUI after running a red light in Scottsdale, Ariz.. He said he was in a hurry to pick up a prostitute for a carnal delight, so he thought it would be OK to blow off the light. Evidently, Barkley is a devotee of the Eliot Spitzer school of governance.
Posthumous pitcher John Lennon has been digitally inserted into a Public Service Announcement for One Laptop Per Child, an organization dedicated to providing cheap computers to kids. If you want to donate, please don’t confuse that with Pacman Jones’ organization: One Lapdance Per Hour.
Speaking of PSAs: The Obsessive-Compulsives Society is holding its monthly meeting tonight. Anyone afflicted is welcome, but before coming, please be sure your hands are clean and that you’ve turned off the lights.
Any final thoughts, Caroline?
“Um, you know, like, uh . . .”