LOS ANGELES – This is not a typographical error: Shaquille
O’Neal honestly, undeniably, definitely has downed 12 straight at the line over the last two games and his free-throw percentage since Dec. 1, in fact, unquestionably, indubitably is 69.4 on 77-for-111.
A career 52.4 precision shooter (the eyes of Kim Hughes, Ben Wallace and Wilt Chamberlain) since failing to cash a pair
of welfare payments that cost his high San Antonio HS team a championship, he is back shooting the way he was taught … not
looking.
Currently eighth in NBA scoring all-time, Shaq says
he’s trying to break into the top five before he’s done. “So, I’m trying to get as many easy buckets as I can,” he told the Arizona Republic.
Shaq now calls himself Shaq-ovic “because if you go around the league anybody with the last name (ending in) ‘vic’ is a great shooter.”
Peja Stojakovic, for example, is ninth in league history (.894). Number one is Mark Price-ovic (.904). Rick Barry-ovic is No. 2 (.900). All other celebrated marksmen – Bill Sharmanovic, Larry Bird-ovic, Calvin Murphy-ovic – are below that enchanting cipher.
Not usually prone to accentuate statistics, I point this out because currently there are a staggering seven players shooting
.910 and above – higher, I stress, than Price-ovic, the NBA’s record holder. Topping their sharpshooting is Jose Calderon (actually Spanish, not Croatian or Serbian), who has hit nothing but macramé an unnatural 76 times in a row.
What’s more, Calderon finished last season with three makes, upping his streak to 79. But he still has a lot of tension to
tackle before overtaking Micheal Williams-ovic.
In 1993, the Minnesota guard came three shy of reaching the mythical century mark. His uninterrupted claim-to-fame figure of 97 broke the 81 registered by Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf-ovic.
Sharman-ovic still holds the record – if I’m not being misguided by Battling Bill – for three faultless runs of 60 or more.
Admittedly, I’m a bit dubious of his claim because the Celtics listed him as 6-foot-2 throughout his career, and I tower over him at 6-1. OK, 5-12 … that what was typed on my ’65 draft card following a physical.
“I never said I was 6-2,” my newest best friend said at Saturday’s charity for San Pedro’s Toberman Neighborhood Center, manhandling me with a laught. “I said I was 6-1 1/2.”
Even if you’re not interested in knowing, before last night’s games, Mo Williams-ovic (.958), Steve Nash-ovic (.944), Ray Allen-ovic (.930), T.J. Ford-ovic (.926), D.J. Augistin-ovic (.916), Aaron Brooks-ovic (.910) and Dirk Nowitzki-ovic (.907) hover above Price-ovic.
This takes us to the most serious questions of the day: How are reporters and broadcasters going to fill our space and air time when Shaq is no longer around to feed us creative material?
What a rip-off of my cable dollar … seems Charles Barkley, who long ago took leave of his senses, Friday took a leave of ab
sence from Turner Sports.
This revelation came right around the time his blood-alcohol level chimed in at .149, nearly twice Arizona’s legal limit,
knocking him off the air for several weeks, with no return date set.
Just what the judicial system and the civilian population needs – this guy with more time on his hands to cruise bars and
around the block.
FYI, a .150 and above reading (think the fix was in?) would have made Oral-B eligible for a 10-day sentence (vs. one) in Sheriff Arpaio’s quaint “Tent City,” where inmates wear hot pink underwear and scoff green baloney sandwiches.
What a wonderful poetic transition that would have been – non-role model to chain-gang pin-up doll.
Not for nothing, but last I fact-checked at least two or three Cavaliers other than LeBron James had vocal cords. Surely someone other than the Master of David Stern’s universe can speak on the team’s behalf.
Believe me, I appreciate the level that LBJ performed – 38 points, seven boards, six assists, two heart transplants – during Friday night’s roughshod run over the franchise formerly known as the Celtics. Still, surely ESPN could have found one deserving underling capable of uttering a coherent thought either at halftime or at game’s end.
Say this much for politicians .ñ.ñ. at least their (alleged) cradle of corruption is gender-neutral. The same day the Illinois Senate voted to impeach Gov. Rod Blagojevich -114-1 – Baltimore mayor Sheila Dixon was charged in a 12-count indictment … pithy stuff like perjury, theft over $500, theft
under $500, fraudulent misappropriation by a fiduciary and misconduct in office.
Column castigator Frank Drucker is guessing the Democrats haven’t been this proud since George McGovern finished a solid second in 49 states.
Apparently, all it took for the Celtics to become the Celtics was to leave the country … as Sunday’s victory in Toronto attests. The teams wrapped up their home-and-home last
night in Massachusetts. To make sure his team maintained its momentum, Rivers scheduled a pre-game pep talk from Barney Frank.
I’m sensing Secaucus for my Paper Clips, who made it 11 losses in row by going down big and easy (27 points) Friday in New Orleans, and hard at home Sunday (six) to the Suns.
Thankfully, the new administration is pledged to abolish torture.