THE economic implosion is turning movies like “He’s Just Not That Into You” – basically a PG-13 version of the 2007 “Sex and the City” movie minus the designer shoes and the laughs – into period pieces.
A lavish Baltimore house being renovated throughout the movie actually has a far more central role (as an unintended symbol of early 21st-century excess) than alphabetically top-billed stars Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore.
MORE: A Guy’s Take On ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’
Nominally based on a 2004 nonfiction best seller by two “Sex and the City” writers (which borrowed its title from the catchphrase introduced by that eponymous series), the movie version of “He’s Just Not That Into You” delivers, with far less wit, the same message as the show.
That news flash from 1998? Men are manipulative jerks, and women need to be more self-sufficient and less emotionally needy.
Like the recent “Sex and the City” movie, this spinoff not so subtly tries to have its cake and eat it by also suggesting that a woman is nothing without a man.
The most developed story line centers on a young woman (the very appealing Ginnifer Goodwin) whose dogged pursuit of a relationship – with practically any man who looks at her – borders on the pathological.
She gets straightened out by a bartender (Justin Long) who lectures her about neediness and reading men’s cues – even as he is stringing along a collection of babes.
Guess who she ends up with?
Running a very close second in the self-esteem department is the control-freak owner of the aforementioned house (Jennifer Connelly, who brings some nuance to an underwritten role).
She’s less worried that her slimy spouse (Bradley Cooper) may be cheating on her with aspiring singer (Scarlett Johansson, whose vocals we’re mercifully spared) than that he’s possibly smoking behind her back.
Aniston, Hollywood’s unofficial poster girl for emotional neediness, practically flirts with self-parody.
Her character has been living for seven years with fellow tabloid legend Affleck, who seems to be playing some sort of struggling artist with a chronic inability to commit.
When Aniston works up the nerve to suggest they might get married, the briefly seen Affleck decamps to his boat while Aniston is left to endure the humiliation of her sister’s wedding.
Drew Barrymore, who is one of the movie’s producers, has little more than a cameo as an advertising saleswoman for a gay magazine. She keeps trying to find a man online until she finally lucks into one of the other women’s discards.
This being a “SATC” spinoff, there is no shortage of (unfunny) gay jokes and gay characters giving romantic advice.
There is even a subplot devoted to an unlucky-in-love straight real estate agent (Kevin Connolly) who pretends to be gay as a marketing ploy.
And that was before the market went south.
“He’s Just Not That Into You,” directed by Ken Kwapis (“The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”) with grim efficiency, reeks of similar desperation.
Guys, let her drag you to see this one at your peril.