Sports

Here’s how to ‘keep your head on a shrivel’

SATURDAY and Sunday morning TV used to mean cartoons. Now, the funny stuff doesn’t start till noon.

Saturday: Early in the South Florida-Syracuse game, Big East Net analyst John Congemi let us in on SU’s game plan: “To score first.” That was the plan. Alright, it didn’t work out. But SU succeeded at Plan B: To score second.

And in a game loaded with turnovers, Congemi avoided the F-word — fumble. Once he called a fumble “putting it on the ground.” Later he said the fumbler “laid it on the carpet.” But before he could say “left the wrench on the bench” or “the clam on the beach,” the game ended.

Thursday on ESPN, Craig James saluted Colorado’s defense for “forcing a long drive.” Never looked at it that way. Saturday, on ABC/ESPN’s Penn State-Illinois broadcast, James, after a blindside tackle caused a fumble: “That’s just not being aware. You’ve got to keep your head on a shrivel, as they say.”

Actually, outside of the Anthropology Department’s shrunken head exhibit, what they say is “head on a swivel,” but, that’s a new wrinkle (heh-heh-heh).

Then there was that fourth quarter TD review to see if Wisconsin wide receiver Lance Kendricks got a foot down in the back of the end zone. But in two replays, the line and his feet were hidden behind ESPN’s down-low crawl. That’s one of the best things about ESPN: Even during live game coverage, we always get plenty to read.

This crawl appeared Saturday night during MLB Network’s White Sox-Tigers broadcast: “Sign up now for MLB.com, $14.95 for the rest of the regular season.” Alrighty!

Sunday: If you were convicted of a felony, sentenced to never again watch an NFL pre-game show, you’d figure you got away with it, wouldn’t you? And fake shame, too, right?

In Fox’s open to Giants-Chiefs, down-on-the-field dude Tony Siragusa reported that KC’s is the NFL’s loudest crowd. Then, during the first quarter, he tried to shout over it.

According to Fox’s Moose Johnston, new KC coach Todd Haley is intent on the Chiefs “building an identity” (how about winning?) — oh, and with gaining “positive yardage.” Late, after Chiefs WR Bobby Wade made a sweet diving TD catch, Johnston said, “That is all [QB] Matt Cassel; that was just a great, great individual effort.” Geez.

Fox cut from Giants-Chiefs to the studio for a clip of Lions running back Kevin Smith scoring from the 1. A bit later it cut out to show Tom Brady score on a 1-yard sneak. Two cut-aways, a total of two yards. Thank you very little!

Friday on WFAN/YES, Prof. Francesa lectured that the Jets will limit the Saints’ possessions/eat clock by coming out running, running, running. Got it, peons? But the Jets’ first two plays, and five of their first seven, were passes. Sanctuary!

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CNN Saturday reported the International Olympic Committee’s rejection of Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics as a “disappointment” to Americans. ESPN, a rights-bidder, also projected a presumed, nationwide sorrow over the IOC’s decision.

But I doubt it was a disappointment even to Chicagoans, at least those who didn’t want to see their city turned on its head for two or three years, those who didn’t want to play ball with an IOC so often revealed to be corrupt and those who didn’t want to see Chicago left further in debt.

It’s reminiscent of NYC’s bid for the 2012 Games, when we were told that we wanted the Olympics.

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Why doesn’t the NFL take the money spent on pink caps, pink gloves, pink wristbands and pink goalpost cushions and instead donate it to breast cancer research? . . . WFAN again is airing scamdicapper ads, designed to rip off its listeners.

D’Andre Goodwin, the Washington WR abandoned by NBC as he appeared to be in peril after taking it in the head on the last play of Washington-Notre Dame — Goodwin was lying in a grotesque, frozen position — suffered, according to UW, a concussion.

Part 4 of NFL Films’ superb five-parter on the AFL — with the 1968-69 Jets — airs Wednesday, Showtime, 8-9 p.m. . . . Why does Lee Corso, on the set of ESPN’s “College GameDay,” always have a pencil in hand? Corso’s an exec with the Ticonderoga pencil compnay (not to be confused with the Susquehanna Hat Co.). For real. Good thing he’s not with Acme Hand Grenades.

Jon (Boog) Sciambi, 39, local guy, solid play-by-player and part-time ESPNer, has left the Braves’ booth, likely for a fulltime position with ESPN. . . . The NBA has expanded its replay rule to include, among other things, the 24-second clock. It’s all based, of course, on indisputable evidence, which, naturally, is open to individual interpretation.

phil.mushnick@nypost.com