Until Tiger Woods’ press conference Friday, I wasn’t sure what his motivation was for seeking inpatient treatment for sex addiction.
Did he really believe he was an addict, or was he hoping rehab would somehow cleanse his tarnished public image?
I leaned toward the former. There is very little upside to coming out publicly as a sex addict.
Like everybody else, I tried to channel my inner armchair psychologist and body-language expert as I watched Tiger’s mea culpa. Did he seem sincere? As someone who has twice been to inpatient treatment for sex addiction, I have a well-oiled b.s. detector for people rationalizing destructive behavior.
In the end, though, it wasn’t what Tiger said that convinced me he’s taking his recovery seriously. It was his decision to put off a return to golf in order to return “for more treatment and more therapy.”
Tiger didn’t have to seek out more treatment. Few would have faulted him for completing his 45 days of rehab, publicly apologizing and then going back to being the world’s best golfer.
But Tiger apparently took the advice offered by therapists at most inpatient sex-treatment centers: Don’t rush back to your job. Consider more treatment.
SORRY TIGER’S TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS
I didn’t heed that advice when I was 27 and finishing my first stint in sex rehab.
“You’re way too busy rationalizing why you don’t need to do the basic things that every addict needs to do every day to stay sober,” one counselor said, urging me to stay in treatment longer.
Ignoring his suggestion, I returned home certain my problem was “under control.” If you think you have your addiction “under control,” you’re likely not far from a relapse.
Before long, I was lost in addiction again.
TIGER’S MISTRESSES WANT HIM TO APOLOGIZE TO THEM
Wherever Tiger goes for a second round of treatment, it’s likely that Elin will be joining him for couple’s therapy.
One of the most heartbreaking times of my second stint in rehab was when the wives visited for family week. At the urging of the rehab’s counselors, the husbands fully disclosed to their wives the extent of their cheating and lying. Many of the women staggered out of the sessions, the color drained from their faces.
After the initial shock, some women — heartened that their husbands were finally seeking help and being honest — kept open the possibility of staying in the marriage. It appears that Elin is at this place, and that Tiger’s continued willingness to work on his recovery will impact her final decision.
Whatever happens with his marriage, it’s likely that Tiger’s recovery won’t be perfect. As he leaves treatment, goes to recovery meetings and eventually tries to fashion a nonaddictive sex life for himself (the goal of recovery from sex addiction is not lifelong abstinence), at some point he might relapse. Most addicts do. I certainly have.
But most addicts aren’t Tiger Woods, which means that most relapse in private. If Tiger Woods relapses, and it goes public, the temptation will be for people to claim sex-addiction treatment doesn’t work. But that doesn’t make it true.
Tiger is early in his recovery, but his decision to delay a return to golf in favor of a return to treatment suggests it’s already working.
Benoit Denizet-Lewis is the author of “America Anonymous: Eight Addicts in Search of a Life,” out in paperback.