Somewhere along a stretch of South Texas roadway last week, it finally hit Andy Pettitte.
After being chased out of the house by his wife Laura, who grew tired of his bad mood while he wrestled with his future, Pettitte headed to his ranch near the Mexican border. The eight-hour roundtrip gave him time to think about his four kids — specifically packing his bags to leave them again in a spring ritual that had grown increasingly difficult.
Alone in his pickup truck, the Yankees great searched for that familiar feeling in his gut — the one that made a 22nd-round draft pick a borderline Hall of Famer. Call it hunger, desire or plain competitive spirit.
As Pettitte drove on I-10 back toward his home in Deer Park, Texas, he realized he was not going to be able to summon that feeling for a 17th big league season.
“When I dug down deep and I did some soul searching, it wasn’t there,” Pettitte said.
That led him to a press conference yesterday morning at Yankee Stadium, where he made his retirement from the Yankees and baseball official.
The 38-year-old told his wife last weekend on another ride back from their ranch, “I’m done.” He called Yankees general manager Brian Cashman on Tuesday night and owner Hal Steinbrenner on Wednesday afternoon to let them know he would not be back.
“It just didn’t feel right for me anymore,” Pettitte said. “I didn’t have the hunger, the drive that I felt like I needed.”
Pettitte seemed at peace with his decision as he discussed his excitement for spending more time at home. Instead of tears, Pettitte’s farewell featured smiles as he spoke about Laura no longer having to videotape their kids’ sporting events while he would be in New York. This spring, Pettitte will be coaching Little League instead of trying to beat the Red Sox.
Thoughts of retirement had filled Pettitte’s head after each of the last three seasons, but there was always something to lure him back. In 2009, it was a chance to play in the new Yankee Stadium. In 2010, it was a shot at back-to-back titles.
This offseason, Pettitte again felt the pull of The Bronx. This time, it was a team in desperate need of his skill. After the Yankees were spurned by Cliff Lee, their starting rotation is a weakness, one that Pettitte could strengthen.
Pettitte admitted after Lee signed with the Phillies, he began to think he needed to come back. He began working out in January, and said two weeks ago he told Laura, who had encouraged him to return, he was going to pitch again.
“I felt a tremendous amount of pressure to come back after they didn’t get [Lee],” Pettitte said.
Pettitte always has been known as an unselfish teammate, but after that trip to his ranch, he knew it was time to be selfish and put his and his family’s needs over those of the Yankees. Pettitte also said he felt it was time to leave the game before his skill diminished. He had double-digit wins in all four seasons of his second stint as a Yankee.
“I didn’t want to come back and be bad,” he said.
The decision leaves the Yankees with two pitching slots to fill in spring training and no sure candidates to fill them. That is why the Yankees held out hope all winter that Pettitte would regain the desire to pitch. Even this week, the Yankees tried to convince him to delay announcing his retirement in the hope he would change his mind at some point this season.
Cashman said the rotation is “incomplete,” and is still searching for solutions.
“Our starting rotation is not where it needs to be right now,” he said. “There’s no doubt about that. I’m confident that I’ll get it there. I just can’t tell you how long it’s going to take. I’m up for the challenge.”
A 2012 return? Not in the stars
Though Andy Pettitte slammed the door on pitching this season during his retirement press conference yesterday, he left it open a crack — albeit a narrow one — for a return in 2012.
“If my stomach was just churning when Opening Day started and I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, I made a huge mistake’ and I felt like that the whole season, I can’t say that I wouldn’t consider [returning],” Pettitte said. “But I can tell you right now I’d be embarrassed because I did what I did right now.”
Pettitte said he never considered a midseason return this year as Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez have done in recent seasons.
brian.costello@nypost.com