“The Rules According to JWOWW” is out today. Here are her top tips for landing a man:
1. You can’t go wrong with cleavage: I can’t explain it, but I do know that boobs hypnotize the opposite sex. You probably want to rein them in at your workplace and air them out when you’re on a date.
2. Dirty talk is fine; a dirty guy isn’t. MVP [the “Jersey Shore” trio of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Vinny and Pauly D.] set the rule on this one — you will never see my roommates going out without sprucing up and pulling on a nice T-shirt.
3. Kiss his mother’s ass: Never, ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
4. Never wear a granny on your fanny: Guys have no idea what you’re wearing beneath your smokin’ hot outfit. That is not, however, an excuse to go out in undies that look like they belong to your 80-year-old nonna.
5. You can never be too rich or too tan: Baby, it’s all about the bronze.
6. Men love a lady who has skills: Let’s be honest, guys say they’re looking for someone pure and respectable to bring home to Mama, but they’re secretly praying she’s a f****** nympho with a bachelor’s degree in banging.
7. If he’s treating you like Pinocchio, cut the strings: You should never allow yourself to be anyone’s puppet.
8. Never leave home without condoms, your cell phone, cash and a change of panties.
9. Sloppy drunk is not a good look on anyone: You will most likely do something — or somebody— that you’ll regret in the morning.