Will John Boehner please man up?
Liberals and adver tisements for erectile dysfunction make the dubious claim that real men cry. But in the case of the bawling Mr. Boehner, tearing up publicly has transformed from a risky quirk of human nature into an extroverted piece of slobbering, nose-dripping, three-hanky theater.
His tears are as undignified as they are unseemly. The wet stuff may be viewed on the world stage as a sign of weakness or lack of seriousness. Not to mention his crying is a tad gross.
As Boehner, a Republican representative from Ohio, last week ascended to the post of House speaker — just two heartbeats and a warehouse of Kleenex from the presidency — some astonishing things happened:
Boehner’s war cry to repeal ObamaCare got drowned out, like the sobs of an itty-bitty girl.
Attendees at the ceremony needed extra towels.
And outgoing Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a squishy liberal from San Francisco, looked as if she’d have no problem taking Boehner in a fair fight, mano a mano.
“I feared he was losing it,” said a Republican political observer, unmoved by the extreme display of emotion. “We don’t need to look girly.”
A pal, Tim Rose, was candid. “It totally gives me the creeps,” he said.
Researchers have found that a woman’s tears have the effect of stalling men sexually. Male tears, then, must have the power to stall congressional legislation. Our new John Wayne is Justin Bieber.
The rules haven’t changed since 1972, when Democrat Edmund Muskie crushed his White House hopes by crying over mean media reports about his wife.
A leader must look tough and decisive, not unglued. So while it may be permissible for a politician to let his eyes well up, or to dab delicately at a reddened nose, turning on the waterworks is worse than a bad idea. It’s a sign of wishy-washy leadership.
When a weepy Boehner defiantly told “60 Minutes” that “what you see is what you get,” he was wrong to think the country was ready for a crybaby. There is no GOP exemption for lack of emotional decorum.
President Obama was rightly ridiculed for bowing subserviently, like a toad, before the Saudi king, for being conciliatory to Iran, and for diminishing the office of the most powerful human on the planet by displaying the presidential toes in a pair of cheap flip-flops.
Can you imagine Vladmir Putin of Russia, who rides bare-chested in boots aboard a horse through frigid Siberia, tapping wetly into his deepest fears?
Another observer pointed out that Boehner’s tears are not spurred by tragedy or terrorist attack. “He’s a little too caught up in himself,” said a political type who didn’t want to be identified, for fear of being seen as trashing Republicans.
Boehner cries whenever he whips out his rags-to-riches story. He was one of 12 children, a family of 14, who lived in a house with a single bathroom — which, I admit, might be good reason to bawl. But get over yourself. Would you watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” with this man?
Boo freakin’ hoo.
Republicans don’t cry. Ronald Reagan would have sooner eaten his spurs than get caught with a soiled tissue.
Democrats have learned to use moisture for maximum advantage. Cold Hillary Rodham Clinton learned to lob a strategic tear, making her appear almost human during a grueling campaign. Bill is skilled at misting up, but only when channeling the grief of people who’ve suffered loss.
I have hope for the Republican-led House. That is, if Boehner can stifle himself.
Tears are for girls, girly-boys and folks on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Get a grip.
Wow – look who’s acting like a real DA
He’s late to the party. But Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus “Mr. Softee” Vance Jr. must have taken his testosterone pills over Christmas.
Under Vance’s watch, Rayvon Guice, the nastiest felon to go on a “wilding” spree last Easter, pleaded guilty last week to attempted murder, admitting he shot two women during a night of ultraviolence in Times Square. If a judge doesn’t muck things up, Guice, 21, faces 16 years behind bars.
Don’t relax just yet.
This is a far cry from the tender treatment dealt to Jermaine Parker, 20. Parker caught a major break after he sprained one officer’s wrist during the Times Square melee and gave another a concussion as an illegal gravity knife spilled from his pocket. Parker even boasted to arresting officers, “I came into the city with my associates.” And still, Vance made sure that, in a year, Parker’s felony convictions are erased like magic — because Parker came from a “good family.” Gentle wrist slaps were also dished out to the rest of some 30 youths who terrorized Midtown.
With thugs like these on the loose, we can only pray for the best.
Heidi’s ‘hate crime’
When weather gal Heidi Jones allegedly claimed a Hispanic man tried to rape her, she not only gave women, weather forecasters and peroxide-enabled blondes a bad name, she committed what I’d call an alleged hate crime.
Heidi claimed stress — she worked hard! her lover dumped her! no one paid attention! — forced her to make a false accusation that tied up police for hours while casting aspersions on men of Latin descent. Hateful.
Next time you seek a villain, Heidi, save us the trouble. Send cops scrambling to arrest a female dingbat.
No more sense and censor-bility
The tattered corset has been ripped off network TV. Now anything goes.
In a victorious decision for budding pornographers, an appeals court has tossed millions in fines that the FCC leveled against ABC for a 2003 “NYPD Blue” episode that displayed an actress’ naked butt. The result? More wholesome fun!
“Inside the TV Writer’s Room” editor Lawrence Meyers warned The Post that networks are free to use shock techniques to improve dismal ratings. “Not just nudity, but will it be showing sexual pleasure or showing a little more violent content than you might have seen before, instead of cutting away when a dagger is plunged into somebody’s neck? Do we see a little blood spurting out first?”
It gives new meaning to family TV night. If your family is named Manson.
Broadway Bill’s twisted priorities
Recapping last week:
The boroughs were buried under snow and garbage, supposedly left unmolested by sanitation wildcats. The mayor won’t say where he was when the city stopped.
Transit fares went up. Again. Two babies were shaken, one allegedly by his aunt, for crying, another by a sitter during the blizzard.
Public Advocate Bill de Blasio to the rescue!
Bill the Bruiser is launching a major legal probe — to determine if producers of the Broadway musical “Spider-Man” must tell theatergoers that the show is in previews, and is not a finished product.
This is not a hoax.