The “last family-owned newspaper in Los An geles” is figuratively and literally trashed as its moronic new playboy publisher turns publicity-seeking vigilante in “The Greet Hornet,” an overblown, interminable and unfunny update (in badly added 3-D) of the long-running ’30s radio show and short-lived ’60s TV series.
Played by a slimmed-down but woefully miscast Seth Rogen, Britt Reid is already a gossip-column fixture for his hard-partying ways.
But when he takes the helm of the Daily Sentinel following the death of his despised father (Tom Wilkinson) under suspicious circumstances, Britt puts himself on the front page. And he commissions a nom de vigilante from his editors — after Britt and his chauffeur/barista Kato stop muggers while decapitating his father’s statue as a drunken prank.
There might be a funny movie in a story about a crime fighter who’s in it only for the publicity, but “The Green Hornet” isn’t it. Impersonally directed by the quirky Michel Gondry (the wonderful “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”) on a ridiculously lavish scale after two decades in development hell, it’s mostly a fourth-rate buddy comedy, with Taiwanese pop star Jay Chou’s Kato suffering through the stupidity and bumbling of his employer.
Chou’s English is barely serviceable, and it’s typical of the level of wit on offer in “The Great Hornet” that when Kato says he “grew up penniless,” Britt interprets this to mean he “grew up penis-less.” But Kato does offer a pretty good summary of the proceedings, which feel like they drag on for three hours: “It’s almost like time slows down.”
Both men make half-hearted passes at Britt’s new secretary, played by Cameron Diaz, who gets kidded about her “advanced” age (36) and spouts references to John Gotti that will seem almost as arcane to the target audience for this movie as the vinyl turntable in the Green Hornet’s limousine.
Plot seems strictly an afterthought in Rogen and screenwriting partner Evan Goldberg’s revamping — trashing, really — of the characters created by George W. Trendle as a follow-up to his “The Lone Ranger” (referenced by a poster in Britt’s bedroom, the masked man was originally Britt’s great-uncle).
Christoph Waltz (“Inglourious Basterds”) cashes in on his Oscar win with an embarrassing (and relatively brief) turn as a crime lord with an accent that wanders over several continents, and David Harbour hams it up as a crooked DA.
Poor Edward James Olmos is cast as the editor of the Daily Sentinel, who watches his newsroom systematically demolished in the final half-hour — probably along with any chance of a “Green Hornet” sequel.