Last year, Susan Patton, a Princeton grad and the mother of two sons at the elite college, outraged feminists when she wrote an open letter to the Daily Princetonian telling female students to find a husband on campus before they graduate.
The red alert — which argued that these Ivy League college girls “would never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who would be worthy of you” — went viral with more than 100 million hits.
Now Patton, an independent HR consultant who lives on Manhattan’s Upper East Side and who’s been dubbed “Princeton Mom,” has capitalized on her fame with an old-fashioned dating manual, “Marry Smart.” Published this week, the book argues that coeds have a limited shelf life “as young, beautiful [women who are] as attractive to men or as fertile” and advises them to spend three-quarters of their time in school on the hunt for Mr. Right.
But what happens if you missed your shot and didn’t get that all-important MRS certificate along with your liberal arts degree?
Nil desperandum, says Patton. She believes that, even in the dog-eat-dog dating jungle that is New York, there is hope for single career women between the ages of 22 and 35 (yes, that’s her cutoff) who also want marriage and babies.
“These women are spinsters-in-training, but they can turn it around,” says the 50-something divorcée. “They need to apply the same attitude and gumption that got them to New York City to the task of getting a husband.”
So listen up, unattached ladies! Here’s where Princeton Mom thinks you’re going wrong:
-
1. You drink too much
The lush life may help NYC gals relieve stress, but it won't help land a suitable man for wedded bliss. Anne Wermiel The ubiquitous “happy hour” sign outside your favorite bar might be beckoning — according to a recent study, binge drinking is on the rise here in NYC — but think before you dash through the doors of Dorrian’s for a 50-cent beer to ease your work stress. “Honestly, do you think that you’re at your most attractive when you are drunk, slurring your words and on the verge of puking?” asks Patton. “You’re not, and by drinking to excess, you put yourself at risk. Women who are sloppy drunks are a huge turnoff, as is the smell of puke on your hair.” You should also question whether a Second Avenue dive that shutters at 4 a.m. is the best hunting ground for love. “At best, it’s an undignified place to meet men; at worst, it’s a dangerous place to encounter possible psychopaths,” warns Patton. Her preferred spots to nab that life partner? The Metropolitan Museum, the Guggenheim, MoMA. “Any museum is a safe and very reasonable place to engage in conversation with strangers over Monet’s brilliant use of light, Mondrian’s cubist overtones or Calder’s playfulness,” she observes.
-
2. You might as well be married to your iPhone
Ladies, put down that smart phone -- it's a potential husband killer! Instead, "Princeton Mom" Susan Patton suggests holding your head high -- and smiling. Anne Wermiel You’ll never hear wedding bells when you’re constantly bent over an electronic device with your earbuds in. “When you walk through Grand Central Station, Central Park or down Madison Avenue — hold your head high and get in the habit of looking people in the eye,” says Patton. “Smile. Look like you’d be nice to speak with — welcoming, warm, charming. You can’t do any of that if you are hunched over your laptop or iPad.” Instead, it’s time to wise up, smell the spring flowers and go for a walk at lunchtime.
-
3. You wear too much black
Avoid black, boyish outfits and choose chic, flirty frocks in bright, welcoming colors instead. Catwalking/Getty Images;AP Images New York women may be known for their fashion sense, but black clothing, severe silhouettes and the kind of avant garb made famous by local fashionista Leandra Medine (a k a the Man Repeller) are all no-no’s. “Anything that makes a woman look like she’s dressing as a man” is to be avoided, says Patton. In other words, you can’t go wrong with a pastel-colored frock. “You should dress with more sophistication,” says Patton, whose favorite designer is Tahari. Another Patton peeve is the gal who wears no makeup, even when she’s jogging around the Prospect Park loop at 7 a.m. “If you are in serious husband-hunting mode, don’t leave your apartment unless you look so good that you’d be delighted to run into your ex-boyfriend,” she adds. “Remember, your body hasn’t yet been ravaged by childbirth, and presumably you’ve kept yourself healthy and attractive. You have to make the best of this time.”
-
4. You're dating too many guys at work
Joan bedded her boss Roger Sterling on "Mad Men." Seeing as you spend most of your waking hours in the office, you might be tempted to make like Joan Holloway from “Mad Men” with your very own Roger Sterling (above). But show Patton a career girl who thinks she’ll find the man of her dreams at the office, and she’ll show you a future “old lady with cats.” “Women tend to be attracted to men at work who are older than they are and more senior,” she says. “When those love affairs end — and they almost always end — it’s the junior-position woman who is forced to find a new job or remain there feeling awkward.” Besides, you shouldn’t be “fishing off the company pier,” anyway. “Don’t mix your business and personal life,” adds Patton. As for married men, you already know the score. “He’s not leaving his wife for you. And if he would cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you,” says Patton. Quit wasting your time with unsuitable men. “Bad boys can be fun to fool around with, and women do have needs, but stay away from these pigs for the sake of a little sausage.”
-
5. You spend too much time with your gay best friend
On "Girls," Elijah may be fun to hang out with, but Hannah will never get to the altar if she spends all her time with her gay pal. Do the funnest of your funnest nights out always end up at Therapy? We know they’re a blast, but it’s time to ditch your gay pals for a while and shop in a more appropriate market. “Your gay boyfriends are wonderful, but they are not marriage material,” says Patton. “They’ll understand if you explain why you have to spend a little less time with them until you find your man. There may not be many prospects for you on Christopher Street, but your homosexual friends may know straight guys who might be appropriate for you.” Let them know that you’d consider it a favor.
-
6. You're ignoring your biological clock
Don't put your ambitions for motherhood on hold for your career. In a city like New York, where a girl is bombarded by subway ads for IVF clinics, fertility endocrinologists and all manner of assisted reproduction techniques, it’s all too easy to put your ambitions for motherhood on hold. “No, no, no, no,” shrieks Patton. “If you aspire to motherhood within marriage, you have a limited window of opportunity within which to find a husband and bear your own children.” To all those women who want to have children naturally, with the support of a husband, she sounds an unapologetic wake-up call. “You are not getting any younger,” says Patton. “But the women you are competing with to get the men you’re interested in marrying are most certainly getting younger.”
-
7. You hook up too much
Shutterstock Young, career-obsessed New York women are only too happy to hop in the sack without any long-term plans — witness the rising popularity of hookup apps like Tinder. But Patton takes a dim view of casual sex. “Men lose interest in women that are easier to make than a peanut butter sandwich,” she insists. “If you offer men sex without commitment, you eliminate the incentive for them to commit.” Granny was right: Men won’t buy the cow if the milk is free. “The women who troll the Meatpacking District are in the business of one-night stands, but if you are looking for a more substantial relationship, you have to pace yourself and engage in a very slow dance towards intimacy,” she warns. Patton also thinks you should keep details of your sex life to yourself. “Who you have sex with is your private business, so keep it private,” she says. “Talking about your hookups (or complaining about them) reflects badly on your judgment and your character.”
-
8. You over-rely on NYC conveniences
It took workaholic Liz Lemon six seasons to find love on "30 Rock." Ali Goldstein Yes, you’re stressed out and tired and you can get virtually anything delivered to you in this great city. But Seamless, FreshDirect and Netflix are making you lazy and, if Chinese is your takeout of choice, fat. “Everybody works hard, and at the end of a long day it’s great to order in tapas and binge on a ‘House of Cards’ marathon,” says Patton. “But you won’t meet anybody new in your studio walk-up.” So, slip off the Slanket and get out into the world. As a dog lover, Patton (who owns a dachshund named Lucille) firmly believes in the power of the canine-concocted romance. “Grab a leash, your lipstick and go for a walk in the park — if you’ve trained your dog well, they can act as your wingman.”