Charles Grounds and Rachel Griffiths play son and mother on NBC’s “Camp.” (John Tsiavis/NBC)
If you hated summer camp, may I suggest you avoid NBC’s horrible new scripted summer series, “Camp” like a case of poison sumac.
You loved summer camp? Then the advice goes double.
Tonight “Camp” officially opens with Mackenzie Granger (Rachel Griffiths) as the divorcing owner of a “family camp,” which is filled with mostly 20-somethings, hardly any kids, more counselors than clients, and some parents.
The camp, Little Otter, is struggling financially, while the rich camp across the lake, owned by Englishman Roger (Rodger Corser), who is richer than a king.
At night, the Little Otter counselors drink excessively and smoke pot around the campfire which either has no smell or Mackenzie just doesn’t notice.
Well, maybe she doesn’t notice because she’s off the premises getting drunk at the local bar and then having a quickie with Roger.
The day after the drunken sex Mackenzie confesses all to her friends at the camp. Apropos of nothing, her friend inexplicably says, “One night I had sex with [dead writer] Christopher Hitchens,” to which her husband interjects, “God rest his soul.”
“The guy was a total blowhard” she continues, “but he had a tongue like Gene Simmons! It must have had a battery in it!”
Not to ruin the hilarity, but Hitchens died of esophogeal cancer — a terrible disease that begins with the inability to swallow. This wouldn’t be funny if the guy were still alive, but why make this kind of “joke” about a man who most people watching a bland TV sitcom may not even recognize?
Oh, I know, another example of disconnected TV writers with too much money and too few brain cells left to rub together.
At any rate, Mackenzie’s husband wants half the money for the camp so he can run off with a Russian salon waxer. That’s a knee slapper.
Meantime, their teen son, Buzz (Charles Grounds) has but one ambition: “Getting laid,” he declares to his friend, recovering leukemia sufferer, Kip Wampler (Tom Green).
Failing that, Buzz says, “At least I’m getting a BJ.” Other words thrown around this NBC family show, in a desperate attempt to be hip, include the ever repulsive “Pussy,” “faggy,” and “dick,” as well as these clever phrases: “You don’t have to get up at the crack of ass.”
What’s the excuse for airing this thing? There’s not a funny word in it.