If mediocrity was money, Hondo would be a millionaire.
Mr. Aitch continued his so-so season last week, going 2-1-1 with the Divisional spreads and 2-2 in the over/unders, which left him one-under even on his postseason cumulative total.
As for Sunday’s title tilts, he expects to be half right with the following:
Patriots-Broncos: Omaha!
First of all, don’t put too much faith in the home-field advantage. Now that marijuana is legal in Colorado, Bronco fans are much more laid back because of frequent trips to the new Mile High ganja and mangia concession stands. Also, don’t waste your money investing in Peyton Manning’s rep as playoff bust. Since 2004, he has the same pedestrian postseason record as The Great Brady, 8-7. The only difference is Manning won a ring during that time.
A quick check under the Hoodie reveals why Belichick went to the Blount-force running game — Brady has no one to throw the ball to other than miniature WRs Julian Edelman and Danny Amendola. Contrast that pedestrian pair with Manning’s fleet of sticky-fingered playmakers and you can see why the big-play Bronco offense was like a broken record when it came to breaking records this season.
This should be easy. The Patriots struggled to beat the god-awful Browns, Bills and Texans, and were fortunate to split with the dreadful Jets. The Year of the Horse begins Jan. 31; ride those Broncos to MetLife: 41-27.
Another prediction: If Belichick sticks with the running game and it doesn’t work, the following postgame quote will be heard from Gisele: “My husband cannot f—ing hand the ball off and run it at the same time.”
Aaron Hernandez, who has been placed on the PUP-LUP List (Physically Unable to Play, Locked Up in Prison), won’t receive a ring if the Pats win the Super Bowl. However, rumor has it his teammates voted to buy him a commemorative set of chain-linked ankle bracelets.
Omaha!
49ers-Seahawks: If you love hatred, this is the game for you. The Niners again are facing a team built in their image, although unlike in last week’s punks-on-parade battle with the Panthers, the Seahawks can back up the talk. Russell Wilson has been less than sharp lately, but he has Marshawn Lynch, aka Beast Mode, the Legion of Boom and the 12th Man to bail him out. Watch for another loathers’ quarrel to break out during the coaches’ postgame handshake. Seahawks 24-13
Meanwhile, in other areas of concern to HondoNation:
Mayor de Blasio had a powwow this week with Cardinal Dolan. They agreed on the importance of helping the less fortunate, but failed to find any common ground on Red Billy’s contention that “religion is the opiate of the masses.”
’Crat congressman Jerry Connolly of Va. said at a hearing he wants TSA agents to be more courteous to travelers. He makes a good point — it no doubt would be much appreciated if the agent said “please” and “thank you” before and after subjecting Granny to a full-cavity strip-search.
According to a poll, most Americans have no idea who Brian Williams is. That is pathetic. All residents of HondoNation know who he is: The news anchor/wannabe comedian who bows to Obama when he visits the White House.
The Lions hired Jim Caldwell as their new coach. Apparently, they liked the way he had the Colts take their foot off the gas when they opened the 2009 season with 14 wins, which led to a 3-5 finish that included a loss in the Super Bowl.
Chris Christie shouldn’t get his XXXXXL skivvies in a bunch over a possible Congressional hearing on Bridgegate. Judging by the outcomes of Congress’ tough-talking probes into the Benghazi and IRS scandals, he has nothing to worry about.
BarkingMut of SoBe II: Possible 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton says Christie’s problem is he’s too big for his bridges.
BarkingMut of SoBe I: “When asked what he thought of Knicks guard J.R. Smith’s propensity for untying his opponents’ sneakers at the free-throw line during the game, Rex Ryan said he regards it as foreplay.”
Delmon Young signed with Orioles, who plan to use him as their DA, designated anti-Semite.
Sources say Anthony “Ridiculous Bulge” Weiner was disappointed his cameo on “Alpha House” last only five seconds. He felt with a little more time he could have shown so much more.
Hondo hears rip-snorting TV chef Nigella Lawson overheard people talking about Sunday’s lines and responded by whipping out a rolled up bill and asking: “Can I come?”
“Daily Show” host Jon Stewart recently delivered a spirited rant against the Republicans’ position on income inequality. That’s rich. Given that Stewart makes between $25 million and $30 million per year, according to TV Guide, “The Daily Show,” which reportedly doesn’t pay its interns, would seem to be a bastion of income inequality.
Producer Harvey Weinstein told Howard Stern he intends to make a movie that will attempt to destroy the NRA. Explained Harvey: “I don’t think we need guns in this country.” Not unless they are used in the big-money shoot-’em-ups he produced, such as “Reservoir Dogs,” “Kill Bill, Vols. 1 and 2,” “Rambo,” “Jackie Brown,” “Django Unchained,” etc.”
The Academy Award nominations came out yesterday. Mst experts are picking Weinstein to edge out Stewart for the Lifetime Achievement in Hypocrisy Award.