TV

‘Bachelor’ episode 6 recap: Kiss this one goodbye

This week on “The Courtney Show,” I mean “The Bachelor,” they’re off to Panama.

Kacie B. gets the first date. The way Courtney sees it, this date could go one of two ways: Kacie could end up going home or she could stay. The reasoning on this one: sharp, very sharp.

They are taken to a deserted island, and they each bring three items for survival. Kacie has a monkey toy, a corkscrew and a bag of candy. Ben brings a knife, a net for fishing and matches. Ben sets off cracking coconuts (which Kacie finds hot), fishing with his net, setting a fire, while she giggles. A lot. And claps. And giggles.

At dinner, they start off with some awkward small talk. “What do you like to do for fun?” “I like to go to the gym and hang out with friends.” Clearly these two are ready for an engagement soon. But then, Kacie opens up about a high school eating disorder. Her opening up makes Ben like her even more, and she gets the date rose.

On the group date, Ben takes six women into the rainforest. They go into a village, where they change into traditional Panamanian beaded tops. Everyone keeps their bikinis on underneath the revealing tops… except, of course, Courtney. She jingles and jangles in front of the village children. Ben, outfitted in his own teeny, tiny loincloth, is very excited about Courtney’s otherwise unpopular decision.

At the post-group-date cocktail party, Ben pulls Lindzi aside. She confesses it’s hard that “my boyfriend has many other girlfriends.” Really? We’re calling all of you boyfriend and girlfriends now? They keep talking about something else but I’m distracted trying to figure out if Lindzi is orange due to bad bronzer or an aggressive spray tan. Then, Ben pulls Courtney aside to tell her how he enjoys how naked, I mean, assertive she always is. She tells him her room number because she “just wants to have fun” with him later that night.

Then, Jamie, who has apparently been on the show all season but who I don’t recall seeing until last week, pulls Ben aside because she decides she is ready to kiss him. But while Jamie is babbling on, Courtney strips down to a bikini and goes swimming alone right behind them, and Ben loses all concentration on the conversation with Jamie. This poor girl seems destined to be background music. Lindzi gets the date rose.

Courtney waits in room 1611, but Ben never shows.

Next, two women go head to head in a two-on-one date. In one corner, we have the oddly-confident VIP cocktail waitress, Blakeley, and, in the other, we have the laid-back blonde with the nose ring, Rachel. Blakeley gets in the first punch on the salsa lesson date. “Salsa dancing is very sexual, very sensual, which is exactly who I am.” Blakeley treats Ben like her own personal stripper pole, a lot of moves involving wrapping her legs around him. Round one: Blakeley. Next, at dinner, Rachel mostly talks about how awkward the two-on-one situation is (duh) then goes in for the makeout. Blakeley cries talking about how strong her feelings are and then shows him a scrapbook she has made about their (very, very little) time together. Apparently Ben isn’t the scrapbook type. He gives Rachel the rose, and Blakeley storms out. It’s back to the club for Blakeley and her man-as-strip-pole moves.

Back at the hotel, Chris Harrison has serious news for Casey S., who is wearing an amazing denim romper. “It was brought to my attention, back in the United States, by three different people, that you’re in love with someone else. Michael.” Casey says he is an ex. Michael told Chris Harrison he was living with Casey before the show began. Casey says Michael didn’t want to get married, and she will never be with him again. Chris: “Are you in love with Michael?” Casey doesn’t want to be in love with him, but she is. They go tell Ben. He reacts with a little confusion and a lot of raised eyebrows, but seems mostly indifferent. And Casey is on her way, with a lot of tears, because she doesn’t want to go home to Michael, who doesn’t believe in marriage. Ben reacts the only way a “Bachelor” can react to such news. He leans over his balcony looking pensive.

At the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Jamie tries to jump out from the pack by telling Ben she thinks about him at night and all the things she wants to do to him. Then she straddles him. The whole thing is painfully awkward to watch. “Do you like me sitting on your lap?” “It is A-OK.” Then, they kiss. Then, they talk about the kiss. Jamie instructs him, “When I open my mouth, you open yours, too.” “You’re not the first girl I’ve kissed,” in the last five minutes…. Maybe stay in the background, Jamie. Maybe the background suits you better. I liked you better when I didn’t know your name.

This one’s a no-brainer. Jamie is sent home. In the outtakes, Emily performs another rap for Ben. But she gets points for the line: “We can dance ’til we’re dizzy. Don’t worry about your hair, mine also gets kinda frizzy.” These tropical locales are begging for a Frizz-ease product placement.