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‘Bachelor’ episode 5 recap: A nude study

This week, Ben and his 11 favorite ladies head to Puerto Rico. We all know this is the Ben and Courtney skinny dipping episode, so it’s just a matter of what will happen before and after said nude romp.

We left Utah last week with Emily/ Courtney drama, and we arrive in Puerto Rico this week with Emily nervous about her stance with Ben because of warning him about Courtney and her evil two-faced ways, and Courtney parading around in a “Be Nice” shirt. We’re at the point in the season where I feel like I should know all of these girls but find myself saying “Who is that?” about a few girls when the episode starts.

Nicki gets the first date. All we really know about her so far is that she has been married, and she is fond of neon nail polishes. Ben and Nicki take a helicopter ride to Old San Juan. Ben orders snow cones for them in Spanish, and they immediately get rained on. Isn’t this the third date that has been rained out this season? They decide to go shopping for dry clothes. And Ben is “feeling linen threads and white shoes and one of those sweet Columbian hats.” The outfit is somehow both absurd and “muy caliente.” They pass by a wedding and have the inevitable “Are you ready to be married again because you are the divorced girl on the show” talk. She gets a rose.

Back at the house, some girl who looks vaguely familiar and is apparently named Elyse finds out she gets a one-on-one date.

Group date time. Ben takes nine women to a baseball stadium to play a little ball. The girls were misled by the “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” date card, and some are more enthusiastic than others. Side note: Chris Harrison in his athletic polo just looks wrong, stick to suits, Chris. Anyway, he is there to tell them that the winning team gets to have a beach party with Ben that night. A surprisingly intense and decent game transpires. Kacie, Courtney, Casey, Lindzi and Jamie (who is Jamie?) win. Blakeley is angry, then she’s sad, then she’s angry. Jennifer is crying. As Courtney smirkily says, “There’s no crying in baseball. They had their chance.” You’re terrible Courtney, but I agree with you here. Suck it up, ladies.

On the winners’ beach date, Ben tells Kacie about past failed relationships and his pattern of falling for women who don’t love him back. Kacie has totally given up attempting to do her hair at this point. But regardless, she gets the rose on the date. Then, Courtney solidifies her position as the Vienna of this season by immediately stealing Ben away for a tease of the much-advertised skinny dipping. Lots of shots them lingering by the water with voiceovers from the other girls. “Courtney is sh-t.” “What does she think she’s doing?” “He just gave ME the rose.” But no nude swim just yet.

Next, Elyse gets her second date ever with Ben (the first was a group date). On a boat, they sip champagne and have very stiff, awkward conversation. She tells Ben she quit her job and missed her best friend’s wedding to be on the show. No pressure! Elyse, who looks like the love child of Patti Stanger (“Millionaire Matchmaker”) and Snooki, tells Ben she is “sick of being single” and finds other girls spending time with Ben “like, really annoying.” Ben, who is rocking an incredible bow tie, is not feeling it and sends her tearfully packing. On a row boat. With the ubiquitous David Gray song playing. As he walks the beach barefoot holding the rose.

The decision to send Elyse home “blew my panties off,” says Courtney. She then shows up on Ben’s doorstep in a robe with two glasses of wine. “I think I’m a sight for sore eyes. After his date with Elyse, his eyes are probably pretty sore.” And finally, here comes the skinny dipping. And a lot of naked making out in the ocean.

At the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Ben tells the camera that he “feels crappy” about what happened the previous night with Courtney — that it wasn’t fair to the other girls. Don’t know that I buy the guilt, Ben, but OK. Courtney eggs on the other girls by talking about being a skinny-dipping enthusiast. Jennifer takes the bait and asks them all if any of them have ever been. Meanwhile, Emily tells Ben that she felt bad bringing up Courtney last week, then proceeds to talk more about how much she dislikes Courtney. Ben responds with, “I would advise you to stay out of it.” Ouch!

And woah! Emily still gets a rose, and Jennifer is sent home. Shocking! I am shocked! There have been no sparks between these two, and she certainly seemed to like him more than he liked her, but to send her home before Emily and Jamie (who IS Jamie?) is shocking. She goes into the ugly cry, the gasping, red, scrunched-face one. Tough way to go out.

Next week looks like something dramatic with Casey, perhaps a family emergency? And the rest of the season teaser promises a lot more Courtney drama and Ben feeling “betrayed.” Stay tuned!