The crowd at the Flatiron hot spot 230 Fifth looks like your typical bunch of singles. Nicely dressed, often clad in button-down shirts, well-shined shoes and other business-casual attire, they’re sipping cocktails while eagerly approaching members of the opposite sex. You’d almost never know they’re part of dateologist Tracey Steinberg’s flirting class.
Well, unless you look closer. At that point, you’d notice Tracey’s equipped everyone with a scavenger-hunt list dictating they strike up a conversation with someone wearing either a white shirt or blue pants. They don’t need to limit themselves to fellow members of the flirting class — they can also talk to strangers. People who manage to chat up everyone on the list are rewarded with peanut butter cups.
The class is one part sexy singles event, one part speed dating session and one part informative dating class, “all rolled up into one unique social event,” according to Steinberg.
It’s just one of the ways the dating coach encourages those attending her class to flirt. “I tell everyone who attends the flirting parties that not everyone is available, and not to take it personally if someone doesn’t respond in the ideal way when they try to speak with them,” explains Steinberg, 42.
The former civil litigation trial attorney became a dateologist seven years ago, after her father fell ill and she saw how her parents coped together through his illness. Today, she organizes strategy sessions for her 25 or so clients, offers e-mail support and remodels their online profiles to make them seem more appealing. Here are her five biggest tips on how to chat up that cutie at a bar — or anyplace:
Ask a question
The best way to break the ice with someone is to smile, say “hi” and ask a question about anything in the environment. Anything you see, hear, taste, touch or smell will work — it’s easy to respond to. For example, try asking, “Do you know who sings the song that’s playing?” or “Your drink looks interesting — what is in it?” Don’t waste too much time trying to come up with something more original — most people are not trained comedians and can’t think that clearly and that quickly.
Talk about what they like
If you want to ensure your target stays interested in you, keep the conversation focused on what they are passionate about. For example, do they love discussing their dog? Their favorite musician? If they’re interested, they’ll seem enthusiastic and their face will come alive. If they don’t seem interested, but you’d like to continue speaking with them, say their name and change the subject.
Give 70 percent eye contact
When you are speaking with your new love interest, give them direct eye contact about 70 percent of the time, and smile. You want to give the person your full attention, but staring at them 100 percent of the time can look weird. Instead, look around the room from time to time.
Stay upbeat
Always keep the tone of the conversation positive, and choose light and breezy topics. Even if they ask you about something you aren’t ecstatic about, find something positive to say and then redirect the conversation. For example, if they ask about your job, which you hate, tell them you enjoy going to happy hours with your co-workers. Then change the subject.
Make them feel good
Most importantly, make the other person feel like royalty — so focus on their positive traits. They will be infinitely more attracted to you if you view them the way they want to be viewed!