Yesterday the Minskoff Theatre hosted the first of two Broadway Easter Bonnets — an annual competition/fund-raiser for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. This 24th edition of the event was the usual cornucopia of fun routines, muscular chorus boys, cute character actresses, belters and impromptu laughs from the hosts after some of their one-liners bombed. Good times!
I’m glad they didn’t tone things down too much, even with quite a few kids of the audience. This is Broadway after all, where people get crass and sexually polymorphous at the drop of a bonnet. In fact, the three kids from “South Pacific” had some of the best zingers around, and who cares if maybe they didn’t get them all? Their routine, titled “All I Really Need to Know I Learned on Broadway,” was written by their wrangler Vanessa Brown. It had nuggets such as “There’s no bogeyman under my bed — and there’s no ‘Spider-Man’ at the Hilton.” “If at first you don’t succeed … call Jerry Zaks.” And a special tribute to my Post colleague: “If you don’t have anything nice to say … Michael Riedel wants to hear it.”
After a Gaga-themed opening — who else is there to talk about these days? — and the introduction of the Bonnet’s mascot, 106-years-old Ziegfeld showgirl Doris Eaton Travis (I teared up), several Broadway shows, along with a few off and touring productions, sent out their entries.
My favorite may well have been the cast from “Next Fall,” who praised the deep pockets of their benefactor, Sir Elton John, to the tune of one of his own songs, with new lyrics by the show’s Patrick Breen and Connie Ray. Patrick Heusinger did a wicked impersonation of John, but the entire thing’s sole point was the punchline, which also served as a handy summary of the play’s plot: “It’s a basic story: They won’t let their son go down on [Breen squeaking] meeeeee!”
Another highlight — emphasis on high — was a fashion show by the Cagelles, the hunky chorines from “La Cage aux Folles.” With heels and a birdcage on a her head, one of them must have been about 12 feet high.
Former “High School Musical” star Corbin Bleu mocked himself in the skit from “In the Heights,” then proceeded to crack teabagging jokes with Michael Urie (“Ugly Betty,” “The Temperamentals”). Colman Domingo, last seen in “The Scottsboro Boys,” mock-marvelled, “Leslie Jordan thought I was rough trade and handed me a twenty!” (Jordan, once a popular guest on “Will & Grace,” currently stars in the one-man show “My Trip Down the Pink Carpet,” where he mentions being attracted to hustlers.)
Let’s see, what else… “Phantom of the Opera” first showed up with a 30-second visual joke that prompted Jan Maxwell, emceeing at the time, to hesitantly wonder “Was that it?” The “Phantom” crew popped up again later with a variation on the exact same gag, which of course became doubly funny. And yet it wasn’t three times as hilarious when they returned once more. Comedy: It’s a strange beast.
What worked better was the funny “Wicked” number cooked up by the current Fiyero, Andy Karl, who also played Captain Green, a super-hero fighting for recycling. And as anybody who’s ever seen the dollar-printing machine known as “Wicked” is aware of, green is good.
“Billy Elliot” dedicated its number to the miners from West Virginia, while “Million Dollar Quartet” delivered the low-key “Peace in the Valley.” It was heartfelt and in good taste, though you may not want the latter at the Easter Bonnet.
Fortunately, the ensemble from “Memphis” came in to perform what I didn’t know I had been waiting for: a ballet version of “The Hurt Locker”! Titled “Love Terrorists,” the number had people running around in camo outfits, and their bonnet was a bomb that exploded into a heart. Now we’re talking! That same show’s breakout star, Montego Glover, came in to deliver the final number, “”Help Is on the Way.” The woman can sing, and while I did enjoy “Memphis,” I cannot wait to see her in something else.