At Parsons, Heidi announces that it’s time for some special guests, and then we cue that old familiar Bravo “doo-doo-da-doo-doo-da-doo-doo” fairy sprite music, which usually means something comical is about to appear that will make the designers rue the day they signed up for this shizz. Some mom types come out on the runway. Jerell figures out that these can’t be the designers’ moms because he doesn’t see his, and he knows he doesn’t see Korto’s mama in this lily white crowd. Then “all these little girls” come marching out. They are here for a post-college makeover that will transform them from young hooligans into professional women…. The designers are paired up with the girls (and their mothers). HeteroJoe thinks this challenge will be tough because moms and daughters never agree. Kenley’s client Anna tells Kenley that she was glad to get “the cute girl.” Then Kenley tells us that she “reminds me of me.” It’s a mutual admiration society. I can’t believe how cute we both are!
Korto tells us she can relate to her 21-year-old client because she is a “hip mom,” and I totally buy this. Her client works in a lab, so she’s going to make a wrap dress that will work easily with a lab coat over it. Jerell says his client is also just like him – tall, lanky and awkward. You left out “insufferable” and “vegabond.” Leanne is designing for a little spitfire teacher-to-be and her mom, who has lots of opinions. And then we get a taste of mom’s style credo: “Do you design with a lot of animal prints and stuff?” Leanne flatly responds, “No.”
Suede’s client is a photographer who apparently rolls around on the ground a lot, so Suede reluctantly agrees to make her some pants. HeteroJoe’s client doesn’t have a job just yet, so he decides to make her a skirt suit. Quelle surprise, HeteroJoe. You are a master of innovation.
At Moooooood, there’s the usual chaos as the designers run around lookinng for fabrics. Suede tells us that “Suede found a Pucci-esque fabric in purple.” I’m sorry, but that fabric is an insult to Pucci. Then Tim says goodbye and does his little swiffy wave at a Boston Terrier that’s literally sitting in a chair at Moooood. Can you book Moooood for parties, because it really looks like fun.
Let’s learn a little bit about what these designers did before they came to the big city for Project Runway… Leanne’s first job was working for a small designer and HeteroJoe’s first job was working for Gucci. We all remember that Kenley works the Blue Light Special, but she has to add in a sob story about how she moved to New York with no money and tells us of all the obstacles she’s overcome, like how at first she couldn’t afford to buy plastic flowers to wear behind her ear. At least Jerell is keeping it real – he worked at McDonalds, where he got “all sorts of Big N’ Tasty’s” as well as “bad skin from standing over a fryer.”
Jerell shows off his dress to his client and describes it as “androgynous” with a beautiful shape. Why does Jerell always make a stank face when he talks on camera? And brown, again? It’s like a poo-poo platter up in here. Suede and HeteroJoe’s clients are not fans of their outfits so far. Leanne’s client’s mom has all sorts of things to say about her outfit, and none of them good. Jerell calls that mom the “Hedda Lettuce” of this challenge, so I hope everyone keeps an eye on their shoes. Leanne basically now has to scrap what she’s done and has to convert the rest into a “sexy teacher outfit,” which is, of course, exactly what school administrators are looking for when they hire elementary school teachers.
Suede draped his long top and is over doing pants. A dress is “so much more Suede,” so he’s going to convince his client that she wants more Suede.
HeteroJoe thinks that the fit of his suit jacket was great, but it’s missing a pocket square. “Do most girls have an assortment of pocket squares on them?” asks Jerell. Kenley jumps on the bandwagon, saying she doesn’t understand why Joe is going with an ’80s theme with his graphic designer client. Jerell adds a pocket square to his own hobotastic ensemble. HeteroJoe’s kind of over these queens. “Opinions are a little bit like, uh, I won’t say that.” You don’t have to – it’s a familiar phrase, Joe. On the way out, Jerell consoles him, “You can work on Nancy Reagan tomorrow.”
The next morning, Tim brings in their clients, sans moms, for a second fitting. What is with Korto’s potato sack jacket over that pretty green print dress? I like the jacket, and I like the dress, but I don’t think I like them together. Leanne’s client loves her outfit, so it looks like Leanne has turned it around. Suede’s client agrees to scrap the pant and go with “more Suede.”
Tim gathers them around to meet some TresSemme chick because this challenge is all about getting your hair did by TresSemme, professional hair care. It’s makeover time – wheeee! Everyone is afraid that they’re going to have to make over the moms as well, because that’s the kind of nonsense they’ve seen happen before. Unfortunately for us viewers, this never comes to pass.
Tim saunters around the workroom to evaluate each design. He thinks Suede’s pockets and sleeves look sloppy. HeteroJoe put a “treatment” on the end of the sleeves, which, knowing HeteroJoe, could very well be TurtleWax. Tim thinks his outfit is more lawyer or banker than graphic designer. He thinks Jerell’s outfit is “stunning.” And as for Kenley, Tim doesn’t understand her as a designer, or so says Kenley, because he thinks she could do without the visible tulle. Kenley’s is beligerent. You can’t tulle her what to do. “I’m not gonna listen to that. I never really change anything for Tim.” I really hope that Kenley does make it to the final three. Now that we know Tim is the special guest judge, maybe he will slap the lipstick right off of her.
HeteroJoe is already making excuses for why he isn’t going to win…. because moms and daughters are never going to agree. You said this already, dude. Kenley asks Korto and Leanne who’s going home tomorrow. I was kind of hoping they’d say, “You,” but instead they both respond, “Suede… ugh.” Kenley keeps talking. “I think that Suede is a poser… horrible, horrible,” says Kenley, whose head is too big for her shouldermapads.
Time for the show! Tonight’s special guest judge is fun designer Cynthia Rowley. The winning designer will have his or her featured in a TresSemme ad in Elle.
HeteroJoe’s skirt suit does not fit his client well. The blouse is sloppy, and the jacket is ugly, especially from the back. I think Leanne’s outfit is classy but perhaps a little too staid for elementary school kids. Jerell’s outfit with the high-waisted skirt and jacket is cute, in spite of its brown color. Korto’s jacket is well cut but looks weird over an otherwise fun dress. Suede’s client seems to love her outfit, which is unfortunate for both of them. Kenley’s doppleganger client Anna loves her 50’s dress and headpiece.
Heidi concedes that Kenley found herself a mini-me. Nina thinks the outfit is cute, and Cynthia likes the belt and the vest, although it’s “a little fairy-tale.” They agreed that it worked on this particular client. So in other words, Kenley should be happy she didn’t pick awkward androgynous grrl.
Korto’s jacket is praised for being “very cool… young, yet professional.” She gets brownie points when her client says she likes it. “That jacket could have been really expensive.” They like her tailoring.
Jerell says his client is into “the androgynous thing.” Heidi says she’d hire her, and the dress fits her body type. “She looks great,” says Nina. Can we discuss WTF Jerell is wearing up top? It’s like a pigeon got smashed by a steamroller, and Jerell picked it up and was like, “Ooh, girl, that’s is cute!” and then placed it askew on his head. The judges refuse to be distracted and say Jerell transformed his client into a 22 year-old sophisticate. She does look pretty good, all things considered.
But let’s talk about what was wrong here. HeteroJoe is slammed for thinking a skirt suit is the only way to look professional. “It’s like a 60-year-old person’s idea of what looks professional,” says Mikey Kors. This makes Kenley and her snotty little doppleganger giggle uncontrollably. Nina says it looks like a cliché. Then Kors calls it “full Becky Home-Eccy” and says, “You could almost seriously wear that and go to a ‘Working Girl’ party.” Oooh, can we have it at Moooood? And can we invite Joan Cusack?
The judges immediately ask Leanne’s client to take off her jacket. “Well, that is a much needed relief,” says Meana Garzilla. Mikey doesn’t understand why she’s hiding her body under that jacket. Let the kiddies see that body! “She can look sophisticated but youthful.” They conclude that Leanne’s outfit is frumpy and old-fashioned.
Suede is criticized for making “another gratuitous jacket that doesn’t really work with the dress.” For me, that was Korto, but apparently I’m in the minority. Mikey Kors says it doesn’t say “photographer.” Suede insists that the client wanted something day-to-evening. Cynthia shoots back, “Just change your clothes.” I like Cynthia as a judge. Nina says that she does not like the printed dress with the jacket, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg, and she’s not saying any more. “Disaster,” says Cynthia. I hope you’re paying attention, young ladies. This is like your worst interview ever.
The judges deliberate and choose Jerell as the winner, much to Kenley’s chagrin. She’s literally about to cry. Buck up, sister. You’ll be back at K-mart in no time, where no doubt you are the cat’s pajamas. Korto and Leanne are safe, so it’s down to HeteroJoe and Suede.
Joe “took a beautiful girl and aged her 25 years.” Suede’s look was “dated, overworked and completely impractical.” And… HeteroJoe is OUT. Aufvederstraightguy. Well, this really was a toss-up between two pieces of fug, my friends. We should have known of the impending doom when we saw him on the phone with his family. He says “mission accomplished” as to what he wanted to teach his daughters about this experience: “that you can do anything you put your mind to.” Even his life lessons are cliched! Have fun back at home, HeteroJoe. It’s where the heart is.
As we conclude, we see that the TresSemme ad is going to feature Jerell as well as his new androgynous spiffed-up friend. And that he does not remove the pigeon platter from his head. I’m sure the fine folks at TresSemme were thrilled.
I think time is running out for Suede… there’s only so many times that you can leave Nina relatively speechless by the crap that you’ve put in front of her and still squeak by.
– Nicole Homewood