FOR the second time this decade, the city’s health Gestapo has come up with a mighty fine idea.
Ban the lit cigarettes from public parks! Turn the nozzle on the butts that contaminate our beaches.
The idea won’t sit well with the pathologically addicted few who continue to force innocent citizens to unwillingly breathe their poisons. But this is a scenario whose time has come.
Few things are more aggravating and disgusting than being forced to swallow fumes emitted by a mother, father, grandpa or stalker whose bond with nicotine prevents them from stepping outside the city’s precious, toddler-filled recreation areas in order to slowly kill themselves.
How many times have you played in a park, or plopped down on a beach towel, only to have some joker ruin your day, not to mention the smell of your clothes and the well-being or your children, by blowing his toxins in your general direction?
If you dare complain, look out. You run the risk of encountering a psycho pro-smoking activist, affronted by the notion of sharing the atmosphere with someone who merely hopes to avoid a painful and lingering death.
It’s time to run the smokers underground, if not just for your own health and sanity, but for the cancer-stick suckers’ own good. As we learned six years ago, it can be done, and beautifully.
Few believed in 2003 that this city could ever ban indoor smoking. It’s not fair! the addicts cried. It will hurt business!
Well, the only business that may have taken a hit is that of the local dry cleaner, who sees a whole lot less of my clothes these days, as well as those of my fellow former smokers.
Times have changed, and the city has actually helped. Remember, few also believed in 1991 that most city parks could be made safe from random violence.
Visiting the beach or the park should no longer require an oxygen mask. If one wants to smoke, there are places to freely enjoy that activity. Like China. Even Europe these days is rapidly turning into a no-smoking zone.
The only thing I ask the city’s health commissioner is — please! — put a sock in those gross-out smoking ads that constantly run on TV, like a Tourette’s nightmare, ruining my dinner and scaring the bejeezus out of my kid.
We get it. Smoking is bad. So let’s fight the common enemy.
Run the smokers out of polite company.
Our health depends on it.