Years before he made his choice clear by trying to blow up a Detroit-bound passenger jet, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab wrote of his “dilemma between liberalism and extremism” as a Muslim, according to a new report.
“The Prophet (S) said religion is easy and anyone who tries to overburden themselves will find it hard and will not be able to continue,” he wrote in an online forum in 2005 according to the Washington Post. “So anytime I relax, I deviate sometimes and then when I strive hard, I get tired of what I am doing i.e. memorising the quran, etc. How should one put the balance right?”
The newspaper wrote that it went through 300 online postings under the name “farouk1986,” a combination of Abdulmutallab’s middle name and birth year.
The postings included discussions of his love life, college and his faith.
In January 2005 he wrote about his sexual desires even though his religion demands that he lower “the gaze” when he was around women.
“The Prophet (S) advised young men to fast if they can’t get married but it has not been helping me much and I seriously don’t want to wait for years before I get married,” he wrote.
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In another posting, Farouk1986 describes how alone he feels and acknowledges feeling lust, chastising himself for not lowering his gaze around unveiled women. At another point, he warns how “the hair of a woman can easily arouse a man.” He writes that he was considering getting married at 18, as his family “could help me financially.” Abdulmutallab’s father is a prominent Nigerian banker, but nothing apparently came of his marriage wishes.
Instead, Farouk1986 wrote that he embraced fasting.
“I felt a shield that prevented evil thoughts coming into my head,” he wrote. “I felt closer to Allah.”
In June 2005 he wrote about being in Yemen, the country where he allegedly got his marching orders for the Christmas Day bombing attempt, to study Arabic for three months.
“It is just great,” he wrote in a post that also gushed about the capital’s shopping and food, including Pizza Hut and KFC.
He talked about his desire to study engineering in the US at Stanford University, the University of California at Berkeley or the California Institute of Technology. But he fretted over his SAT results, writing that he scored 1200.
“It was a disaster!!!” he wrote in March 2005.
In London in December 2005, Farouk1986 wrote about how he was torn about whether he could eat meat when his visiting parents.
“I am of the view meat not slaughtered by Muslims … is haram [forbidden] for consumption unless necessary,” he wrote, according to the Washington Post. “My parents are of the view as foreigners, we are allowed to … eat any meat. It occured [sic] to me I should not be eating with my parents as they use meat I consider haram. But I fear this might cause division and other complicated family problems.”
The postings seem hastily written and are replete with spelling and grammar errors. In one, on Jan 28. 2005, he wrote: “i am in a situation where i do not have a friend, i have no one to speak too, no one to consult, no one to support me and i feel depressed and lonely. i do not know what to do.”
The posts were made to an Islamic bulletin board called Gawaher, which literally translates from Arabic as “gems” or “jewels,” but can also be read as “essence” or “spirit.”
US government officials had no immediate comment.
Farouk1986 discussed growing up and preparing to leave his British boarding school in the West African nation of Togo for college, which also matches Abdulmutallab’s personal history. However, educational pursuits appear to be overtaken by a growing fascination with religion, with posts going so far as to describe his own fantasies about holy war.
“I imagine how the great jihad will take place, how the muslims will win, insha Allah and rule the whole world, and establish the greatest empire once again!!!” reads one Feb. 20, 2005, post. The words “insha Allah” are the phonetic translation of the Arabic for “God willing.”
“So usually my fa(n)tasies are about islamic stuff,” he continued. “The bad part of it is sometimes the fantasies are a bit worldly rather than concentrating in the hereafter.”
On Jan. 28, 2005, Farouk1986 said he was writing from Yemen, and that he was learning Arabic at the Sana’a Institute of Arabic Languages. Administrators at the school said Monday that its director, Muhammad al-Anisi, has spent two days being questioned by Yemeni security officials. He remained in custody Tuesday.
Farouk1986 was enthusiastic and described parts of the city as being traditional and quiet and other parts bustling, with Western fast-food restaurants, amusement parks and gyms.
“Its quite cheap too,” the writer gushed. “Yemenis are so friendly and welcoming.”
Yemen’s government said Abdulmutallab lived in the country for two different periods, a year from 2004-2005 and from August-December this year
In a series of exchanges which coincide with Abdulmutallab’s final year of high school in 2005, the writer also discusses his conflict between attending his high school prom and being a good Muslim. He has exchanges with other posters about proper Islamic dress, modern movies, marriage and his desire to learn Arabic.
Still, some of Farouk1986’s writings offer a hopeful tone. He writes about expecting to get over his loneliness when he attends university classes and joins local Islamic groups. He discusses television and soccer, but at one point gets upset after another person posts a sarcastic remark about soccer loyalties.
“I had butterflies going through my stomach reading that,“ Farouk1986 wrote. “I acted hypocritically? May Allah forgive me for that. I’m very sorry. Now i feel all bad. Maybe its time to say bye bye to this thread. I’m sorry if i offended anyone. Please all should forgive me.”