Dwayne Johnson, the for mer wrestler sometimes known as The Rock, deploys his usually reliable gift for self-mockery for naught in the bland and unfunny family comedy “Tooth Fairy.”
He plays Derek Thompson, a minor-league hockey player nicknamed “The Tooth Fairy” because his opponents often require dental work.
One day he tries to tell his girlfriend’s young daughter that there’s no such thing as — you guessed it — the tooth fairy.
In this charmless and underdeveloped knockoff of “The Santa Clause,” this lack of belief lands Thompson in Fairy Central — in a pink tutu, tights and wings.
Basically, if you’ve seen the ads, you’ve seen the only joke in this one-joke movie, although there are also endless groan-worthy gags about wings and teeth.
Even Billy Crystal, who has a single scene as a Q-type supplier of fairy equipment such as invisibility spray, is shooting with blanks here.
Michael Lembeck, who directed the less-than-classic second and third “Santa Clause” features, stretches the 20 or so minutes of plot provided by six credited screenwriters (bet there were at least six more) over 102 excruciating minutes.
Most of the humor revolves around Thompson hiding his new duties as the tooth fairy (and his flamboyant ensemble) from his girlfriend (Ashley Judd, who deserves better), her children (including a son who aspires to be a musician) and his hockey teammates.
There is also laborious humor involving Thompson’s fussbudget angel caseworker, played by “The Office” co-creator Stephen Merchant in his first — and hopefully last, if you ask me — major big-screen role.
As if the movie didn’t need another spoonful of sugar, the chief Fairy Godmother is played by Julie Andrews, in her first movie for Fox since the legendary flop “Star!” (1968) almost put the studio out of business.
“The Tooth Fairy” is enough to make your teeth ache.
Sorry.