Mike Vaccaro

Mike Vaccaro

NFL

NY’s teams singing the Christmas blues

“Happy Xmas (Season’s Over)”

[“Happy Xmas (War is Over)]

(As sung by the Jets and Giants)

So this is Christmas

And Eli is done

The offense ‘pathetic’

The defense overrun

And so this is Christmas

For Geno and Rex

For Woody and Idzik

To pay their last respects

A very wary Christmas

And it’s on to Next Year

Let’s hope it’s a good one

For Coughlin’s career

So this is Christmas (Season’s over)

For blue and for green (Way too early)

For Mo and for Tone Time (Season’s over)

Downhill since Halloween (Gates are pearly)

And so Happy Christmas (Seasons’s over)

For Victor and Nix (Can’t believe it)

For Prince and JPP (Season’s over)

It’s a blur since 0-6 (Can’t reprieve it)

A very scary Christmas

And it’s on to ’14

Let’s hope it’s much better

For blue and for green.

“They’re Beginning to Look A Lot Like Yankees”

(“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)

They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees

Third place wouldn’t do

No more Adams or Luis Cruz

No Hafner or Philip Hughes

And if they’re lucky A-Rod bids adieu

They’re beginning to spend a lot like Yankees

Beltran and McCann

Give Jacoby one-fifty mil

Never blinking at the bill

It’s a master plan

An ace who can throw, a sub for Cano

Is the wish of Girardi and Cash

A trip to the bank, by Hal and by Hank

And the team’s overturned in a flash

(Who care’s if everyone’s older than Potter on ‘M*A*S*H’?)

They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees

Jeter’s back, so’s Tex.

And CC can’t be any worse

(If so, better call a nurse)

Contention is what everyone expects.

They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees

George would beam with pride

Though replacements for Andy and Mo

(And, again, for Robbie Cano)

Are less cut … and … dried …

But at least they tried

“Stumbling Around New MSG”

(Rocking Around the Christmas Tree)

Stumbling around New MSG

With the Knickerbocker five

Shumpert pouts and the papers shout

That the coach might not survive

Stumbling around New MSG

Where Carmelo sings the blues

Will he play next in L.A.?

(Just a nicer Newport-News)

You will get a nauseating feeling

When you ask

What the hell’s Bargnani doing?

(Where have you gone, Patrick Ewing?)

Stumbling around New MSG

On Amar’e’s knees of clay

The Brothers Smith and the owner’s myth

That a title’s on the way

You will get a stomach-churning feeling

When you see

Defense wholly non-existent

Offense grossly inconsistent

Stumbling around New MSG

Where the timeouts go unused

A 40-year whirl since Clyde and Pearl

And the fan … base … ain’t … amu-u-u-used …

“Jeff and Fred”

(“Silver Bells”)

Grandy signing, Sandy whining

At the sticker-shock price

Of assembling a team for contention

Harvey’s courtside, Niese is portside

Ike and Duda suffice

And throughout Queens the people all say …

Jeff and Fred

Spend your bread

Bring winning baseball to Citi

Spend a buck

What the … um, heck?

Soon it will be Op’ning Day.

Murph as Santa (still miss Anna)

And the captain’s at third

(Maybe shortstop deserves your attention)

Ace Bartolo, watch him solo

Scarf down 90 cheese curds

And the best part? There’s no Jason Bay

Fred and Jeff

Cook and chef

It’s been a ghost town at Citi

Drop some coin

This ain’t Des Moines

Soon it will be Op’ning Day

Vac’s Whacks

have no doubt my childhood friend Mark Tobin would’ve been a prominent member of Fordham’s vast roster of successful sportscasters. But 25 years ago yesterday, he boarded Pan Am Flight 103. I think about him often. The anniversary just hits hardest of all.


Here’s the thing about Carlos Beltran’s comments about how the men who run the Mets treated him toward the end: He’s 100 percent right.


If it were up to me, Rex Ryan would be back next year.


But, then, so would Ike Davis.

Whack back at Vac

David Brown: Went to see Rod Stewart at MSG recently and he was kicking soccer balls mid-performance almost up to the bridge. It was the best sporting performance the Garden has seen in months.

Vac: As Rod the Mod sang 40 years ago, which applies to New York fans of all stripes: “You made a first-class fool out of me/But I’m as blind as a fool can be/You stole my heart but I love you anyway.”

Dan DiFabio: You failed to mention the Red Bulls, who won the MLS Supporters Shield in 2013. You can get decent price tickets for around $350 for the season per seat. Their beer and food prices are moderate. And soccer is now so popular that New York will soon get a second pro soccer team.

Vac: He’s right. At some point we have to acknowledge a fifth major sport in New York. Especially if it’s the one presently getting it right.