“Happy Xmas (Season’s Over)”
[“Happy Xmas (War is Over)]
(As sung by the Jets and Giants)
So this is Christmas
And Eli is done
The offense ‘pathetic’
The defense overrun
And so this is Christmas
For Geno and Rex
For Woody and Idzik
To pay their last respects
A very wary Christmas
And it’s on to Next Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
For Coughlin’s career
So this is Christmas (Season’s over)
For blue and for green (Way too early)
For Mo and for Tone Time (Season’s over)
Downhill since Halloween (Gates are pearly)
And so Happy Christmas (Seasons’s over)
For Victor and Nix (Can’t believe it)
For Prince and JPP (Season’s over)
It’s a blur since 0-6 (Can’t reprieve it)
A very scary Christmas
And it’s on to ’14
Let’s hope it’s much better
For blue and for green.
“They’re Beginning to Look A Lot Like Yankees”
(“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)
They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees
Third place wouldn’t do
No more Adams or Luis Cruz
No Hafner or Philip Hughes
And if they’re lucky A-Rod bids adieu
They’re beginning to spend a lot like Yankees
Beltran and McCann
Give Jacoby one-fifty mil
Never blinking at the bill
It’s a master plan
An ace who can throw, a sub for Cano
Is the wish of Girardi and Cash
A trip to the bank, by Hal and by Hank
And the team’s overturned in a flash
(Who care’s if everyone’s older than Potter on ‘M*A*S*H’?)
They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees
Jeter’s back, so’s Tex.
And CC can’t be any worse
(If so, better call a nurse)
Contention is what everyone expects.
They’re beginning to look a lot like Yankees
George would beam with pride
Though replacements for Andy and Mo
(And, again, for Robbie Cano)
Are less cut … and … dried …
But at least they tried
“Stumbling Around New MSG”
(Rocking Around the Christmas Tree)
Stumbling around New MSG
With the Knickerbocker five
Shumpert pouts and the papers shout
That the coach might not survive
Stumbling around New MSG
Where Carmelo sings the blues
Will he play next in L.A.?
(Just a nicer Newport-News)
You will get a nauseating feeling
When you ask
What the hell’s Bargnani doing?
(Where have you gone, Patrick Ewing?)
Stumbling around New MSG
On Amar’e’s knees of clay
The Brothers Smith and the owner’s myth
That a title’s on the way
You will get a stomach-churning feeling
When you see
Defense wholly non-existent
Offense grossly inconsistent
Stumbling around New MSG
Where the timeouts go unused
A 40-year whirl since Clyde and Pearl
And the fan … base … ain’t … amu-u-u-used …
“Jeff and Fred”
(“Silver Bells”)
Grandy signing, Sandy whining
At the sticker-shock price
Of assembling a team for contention
Harvey’s courtside, Niese is portside
Ike and Duda suffice
And throughout Queens the people all say …
Jeff and Fred
Spend your bread
Bring winning baseball to Citi
Spend a buck
What the … um, heck?
Soon it will be Op’ning Day.
Murph as Santa (still miss Anna)
And the captain’s at third
(Maybe shortstop deserves your attention)
Ace Bartolo, watch him solo
Scarf down 90 cheese curds
And the best part? There’s no Jason Bay
Fred and Jeff
Cook and chef
It’s been a ghost town at Citi
Drop some coin
This ain’t Des Moines
Soon it will be Op’ning Day
Vac’s Whacks
have no doubt my childhood friend Mark Tobin would’ve been a prominent member of Fordham’s vast roster of successful sportscasters. But 25 years ago yesterday, he boarded Pan Am Flight 103. I think about him often. The anniversary just hits hardest of all.
Here’s the thing about Carlos Beltran’s comments about how the men who run the Mets treated him toward the end: He’s 100 percent right.
If it were up to me, Rex Ryan would be back next year.
But, then, so would Ike Davis.
Whack back at Vac
David Brown: Went to see Rod Stewart at MSG recently and he was kicking soccer balls mid-performance almost up to the bridge. It was the best sporting performance the Garden has seen in months.
Vac: As Rod the Mod sang 40 years ago, which applies to New York fans of all stripes: “You made a first-class fool out of me/But I’m as blind as a fool can be/You stole my heart but I love you anyway.”
Dan DiFabio: You failed to mention the Red Bulls, who won the MLS Supporters Shield in 2013. You can get decent price tickets for around $350 for the season per seat. Their beer and food prices are moderate. And soccer is now so popular that New York will soon get a second pro soccer team.
Vac: He’s right. At some point we have to acknowledge a fifth major sport in New York. Especially if it’s the one presently getting it right.