TV’s questionable guest-star choices:
“Hawaii Five-0” (Friday, 9 p.m., CBS)
Yes, Mama knows you’re on the “old person” network, but you’re still a detective series set in one of the most beautiful locations in the world. So why does this series think that anyone wants to imagine their daydream-worthy sunny beach populated with returning — yes, they’ve been here before! — guest stars Melanie Griffith and the still-“Lost” Jorge Garcia? Add Tom Berenger to the list, and it’s enough to make Mama yearn for just one bikini-clad supermodel — or at least for star Alex O’Loughlin to ditch his shirt.
“Law & Order: SVU” (Wednesday, 9 p.m., NBC)
Alec Baldwin has some extra time on his hands now that he’s mostly unemployed, and maybe NBC felt sorry for him since they’re the ones that keep (un)employing him. But it still seems that casting him as a reporter who viciously investigates the SVU squad is more like fantasy role-reversal therapy for the media-hater. Series co-star Mariska Hargitay makes her directorial debut, and Katie Couric sticks her face in the camera, too.
“American Dad” (Sunday, 7:30 p.m., Fox)
There are any number of guest stars who should fire their agents this week for appearing in this lame episode about airline attendants who fight crime as “The Naughty Stewardesses.” Chief among them is the wasted talent of Kyle Chandler, who reprises his role as the football coach, a la the beloved role he played on “Friday Night Lights.”
“Law & Order” (Monday, March 17 – Friday, March 21, 5 p.m., WE tv)
A marathon of “Law & Order” episodes —featuring actors who appeared on the HBO series “The Sopranos” — is a decent enough theme, but Mama questions what either of these testosterone-fueled series have to do with a network that claims it “showcases and celebrates modern women who are bold, independent and taking control of their lives.” Of course, this is also the network that’s bringing us couples having sex in a box, so maybe they have a different definition of “modern women.”
Oh, Baby: You know how Mama loves her “Deadwood” reunions, but this week the actual Old West series is returning. A marathon of all 36 dirt-covered episodes airs on HBO Zone — that’s the HBO channel collecting dust at the end of your DVR menu — starting Saturday at 10 a.m. By Sunday at 10 p.m., you’ll know more new ways to curse than you ever thought possible. If that’s too much Swearengen (Ian McShane) to take in one sitting, HBO Signature airs an episode every weeknight at 8 p.m. starting April 2.