Entertainment

Rob Sheffield: My Karaoke New York

Rob Sheffield may be a contributing editor for Rolling Stone, but that doesn’t mean he has the musical chops to release his own chart-topping hit. “Tacos will grow on Christmas trees before I learn to carry a tune,” he quips in his new book, “Turn Around Bright Eyes: The Rituals of Love and Karaoke.” Luckily for Sheffield, his enthusiasm outweighs his lack of raw talent. For 12 years, he has scoured the NYC karaoke scene to fulfill his rock-star fantasies. This is his karaoke New York.

1. Radio Star, 3 W. 35th St., between Fifth and Sixth avenues
“This is one of the most lavish karaoke experiences: It has private rooms with sequins on the wall and tambourines you can use as props. The microphones have sanitary doilies over them and you can press a buzzer to order nachos. Radio Star is the place I like to bring my mother- in-law when she’s in town, because it has a ton of ABBA songs.”

2. Planet Rose, 219 Avenue A, between 13th and 14th streets
“This little karaoke place is always full of bachelorette parties. The room is shaped like a circle, which compels you to sing to everybody instead of standing in a corner with your friends. My favorite song to sing here is Taylor Dayne’s ‘Tell It To My Heart,’ because I’ve never gotten to the second chorus — some festive lady will always grab the mic and take over the song. As far as I’m concerned, that just means I’ve done my job.”

3. The Music Story Karaoke, 34 W. 32nd St., between Fifth and Sixth avenues
“When my friends and I attend a big, emotionally involving, glitzy superstar show at Madison Square Garden, we will prepare for a karaoke comedown. A few years ago, we went to the final LCD Soundsystem concert at MSG, then we went to the Music Story afterward to sing and process the shock of such a massively poignant farewell show. The bar serves these little bowls of cheese puffs, which build your stamina level.”

Kum Gang San Kalibi at KumGangSan

4. KumGangSan restaurant, 49 W. 32nd St., between Fifth and Sixth avenues
“Food is usually a good idea before karaoke, because when you’re singing, you’re going to lose track of time. KumGangSan is located near many of these karaoke spots, and it has fantastic Korean barbecue. After dinner here, you’ll be prepared for whatever vocal party you have planned for the night.”

5. Duet 35, 53 W. 35th St., between Fifth and Sixth avenues
“If you can’t have a good time doing karaoke here, it’s not the bar, it’s just you. Duet 35 has amazing songbooks, festive private rooms and cheap drink specials. I was there with 20 people a few weeks ago, and we tried to sing Beyoncé’s ‘Countdown’ — we broke it up into all of these little sections.”

Plum sake at Sing Sing in St. Marks PlaceZandy Mangold

6. Sing Sing, 9 St. Marks Place, between Second and Third avenues
“Sing Sing caters to the hard-core karaoke connoisseur. It’s not a place for showoffs or for people who want to dazzle the crowd with their singing exposition — it’s a scene of pure devotion to music. It also has the option of private rooms or the public floor, which is great. There’s a really nice plum sake that pairs well with the festive, friendly vibe.”

7. Montero Bar & Grill, 73 Atlantic Ave., at Hicks Street, Brooklyn
“This dive is the kind of place they call an ‘old man bar,’ and they have karaoke on Fridays. It’s become a karaoke hot spot just based on the sheer mix of the crowd — you get old people and young doofuses singing and staking out their turf together. I have a special thing for watching the silver foxes of Montero. I really want to be like them when I get old.”

The Kings of Karaoke take over Saint VitusAstrid Stawiarz

8. Saint Vitus, 1120 Manhattan Ave., between Clay and Box streets, Brooklyn
“This club typically has live punk or metal bands, but occasionally it hosts the Kings of Karaoke, a roving karaoke party that visits a number of bars in Brooklyn. The Kings of Karaoke has a very specific songbook geared toward indie rock, punk rock, goth, industrial — if you want to sing a Guided By Voices, Sleater-Kinney or Pavement song, this is your jam. You can expect to see the type of crowd who crush $4 PBR tall boys against their forehead.”

9. L train
“Since I live in Greenpoint, I take the L train to most of the karaoke places — and I’ve seen some weird things on that train. The L is where people’s performative instincts come out. You’ll see people dressed up from head to toe for a super-fabulous event, then you’ll see punk rockers and metal heads, and you’ll see people who are there to break dance and work the pole. It’s funny how the train seems to be an extension of the karaoke bar. I’ve never seen anyone try to ‘L train-araoke,’ but it’s only a matter of time.”