This time of year, everyone makes predictions. Here are some that definitely won’t come true in 2011:
* Newly installed Gov. Andrew Cuomo will eradicate corruption, freeze state taxes, curb spending, cap property taxes and plug the budget gap, just as he said he would. And all with the enthusiastic support of Assembly Speaker Shelly Silver.
* Cuomo’s secret weapon? He’ll appoint Carl Paladino to be his personal liaison to Silver.
* A performance of the Broadway show “Spider-Man” will go off without a hitch.
* Tea Party activists will draft Nancy Pelosi as their 2012 presidential standard-bearer.
* LeBron James and Cliff Lee will both agree to come play in New York.
* Jimmy McMillan of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party will be named official spokesman for . . . the Real Estate Board of New York.
* If you like your health plan, you’ll be able to keep it.
* San Francisco will take pity on kids and let them get a toy with their Happy Meals.
* US troops will begin leaving Afghanistan, and the War on Terror will finally end.
* A new political entity, to be called the Republican Party, will emerge in New York, making it a two-party state for the first time in ages. (Rick Lazio will be officially banned.)
* Lindsay Lohan will go the whole year with no need for rehab.
* Not a single New York state lawmaker will be indicted.
* Eager to follow the new European model, President Obama will push for true fiscal austerity by Washington.
* WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange will mind his own business.
* Lenders will make loans only to folks who can repay them.
* A bicyclist will be spotted using one of Mayor Mike’s new bike lanes.
* President Obama will take ownership of the nation’s ailing economy and stop blaming George Bush.
* China will get North Korea to stop attacking South Korea and to give up its nukes.
* Palestinians will finally miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.
* Republicans will rally behind a single, strong candidate capable of beating Obama in ’12.
* Stripped of the excuse that the military bans gays, universities will welcome a vast military presence on their campuses.
* Congress will repeal ObamaCare, as much of the nation wants.
* New York — particularly the upstate regions — will enjoy a massive population surge.
* With the Zadroga bill now law, demagogues like Chuck Schumer will stop racing to hand out cash to anyone claiming to have gotten sick at Ground Zero.
* Albany will end the year with a massive budget surplus.
* New York Times columnist Paul Krugman will launch a fierce campaign against Keynesian-style stimulus packages.
* Feeling guilty about having pushed for the Lockerbie bomber’s release, Britain will cancel its contracts with Libya and demand the terrorist’s return to prison.
* Pols of every stripe will take Mayor Mike’s advice, put aside their partisan politics and solve the world’s problems, once and for all.
* And Hizzoner will end his perennial quest for the White House.
* Cuomo will collect unpaid cigarette taxes from Indian reservations.
* Sanctions to halt Iran’s nuclear drive — which the administration has long said are beginning to work — will actually work.
* Attorney General Eric Schneiderman will establish his independence from the unions and his pals in the Legislature and impartially and aggressively probe all political wrongdoing.
* After House Homeland Committee Chairman Pete King exposes a homegrown Islamist threat in America, Washington will move to counter it.
* Bloomberg will admit that there must be someone alive who knows more about something than him.
* Rats will disappear from the subways.
* Pundits will stop making stupid predictions.
Happy New Year!