Before we begin our annual (since 2013!) Labor Day Weekend Sports Awards, reader Tim Cavazini urges us to grateful reflection on living in a country that grants workers a “bye” day.
Now, on with the show!
ESPN/Nike Award
To Texas A&M’s (Attitude & Malodorous) Johnny Manziel, who, after his half-hour suspension, mocked his punishment with immodest on-field demonstrations, thus reminding us the “of good character” standard for Heisman Trophy candidates and winners is just another con.
The Mike Mayock Trophy For Speaking Slick Nonsense
Why, the winner is Mike Mayock!
Just two minutes into NBC’s Temple-Notre Dame, a short Owls completion and 5-yard run sent Mayock (inset top left) into his extraterrestrial observatory. “The whole point, here,” he said, “is athletes in space.”
Coming this fall on NBC (cue the reverb): “Athletes In Space!”
His “whole point” might’ve been that Temple (and ND, and every team) wants to throw to an open man who then could run with the ball, but that would’ve been too silly to say, so Mayock went with “athletes in space.”
Mayock also began defense of his title for the most uses of “me,” “my” and “I” as regal decrees. When Temple, on third-and-18, completed a pass-and-run for 15 yards to reach field-goal territory, Mayock declared, “I applaud that decision.” Oy.
The Why Me? Stuck In Labor Day Traffic Award
To John “Ya Never Know In Baseball” Sterling. On Sunday, with Brett Gardner on second, none out, no score, Sterling said all that was needed was a ground ball from Derek Jeter.
He then added Jeter “can hit a ground ball whenever he wants — he’s a great hitter.”
Two pitches later, Jeter struck out, swinging.
The Who Knew? Award
To ESPN/ABC, whose commentators now find it essential to explain football is played with … a football!
Players and their teams now “kick the football,” “throw the football,” “catch the football,” “drop the football,” “run with the football,” “spike the football.” Those who fumble the football “put the football on the ground.”
On Saturday, during Georgia-Clemson, Kirk Herbstreitstressed the Georgia QB was “trying to throw the football.” Todd Blackledge, working LSU-TCU, inconsecutive sentences, repeated the importance of “catching the football.”
Then there was ESPN’s David Diaz-Infante. During Kentucky-Western Kentucky, he told us WKU DB Taywan Taylor is a “young freshman” after informing us WKU LB Andrew Jackson is “a downhill player.” But all WKU players — er, football players — should be; they’re the Hilltoppers.
From the studio, ESPN/ABC yak-box Jesse Palmer noted the importance of teams displaying “physicality.”