The truth is finally emerging …
“Saturday Night Live” skewered the budget sequester during this weekend’s episode, with President Obama (cast member Jay Pharoah) admitting he has “no idea how money works, or how budgets work.”
Across-the-board cuts – $85 billion worth – took effect Friday night after politicians failed to reach a compromise. Less than 24 hours later, the situation drew SNL’s attention, in a skit featuring federal workers explaining how the cuts will affect them.
From now on, air traffic controllers need to watch 20 second Doritos ads before checking their radar screens – and since the full-body airport scanners are gone, flyers’ cell phone crotch shots will suffice.
Border patrol? Every tenth Mexican gets a free pass into the country.
Astronauts are losing the glass in their helmets, forcing space travelers to “hold their breath” if they leave the ship.
The national zoo is firing three monkeys, letting them loose in the streets, “tossing poop and ripping off faces,” a zookeeper (Jason Sudeikis) explained.
In addition, Michelle Obama will only do four TV appearances a week, down from her current total of 75.
The segment opened a high-energy but inconsistent episode carried by enthusiastic host Kevin Hart. Hart, 32, is one of comedy’s hardest-working talents, known for personal standup involving his dysfunctional family. He’s become one of the season’s breakout TV stars on the strength of “Real Husbands of Hollywood,” a BET reality spoof that he created and stars in.
Hart’s energy poured through in his monologue, with the comedian sharing a bit about a homeless man at Panera Bread – with the beggar putting his palm on a customer’s sandwich.
“Dude, what is your problem?” the customer asked. Eventually the customer freaked out and told the man to take the sandwich, his appetite gone. Hart speculated that the homeless man had done this before, how you probably start with asking others for food, then maybe a finger touch before advancing to a full palm.
One of Hart’s early highlights involved a CNN broadcast announcing the next pope – Quvenzhané Wallis, the 9-year-old Oscar nominee.
Hart pranced and danced as Wallis, lifting his arms in a “muscle man” gesture similar to the pose Wallis struck during last weekend’s Academy Awards telecast. Hart later jumped onto a cardinal’s back, hanging on while clinging to the papal tiara (and connected wig) that threatened to fall from his head.
“Horsey rides in the Vatican,” anchor Wolf Blitzer (Sudeikis) said. “That’s gotta be a first in the Vatican, but it probably isn’t.”
A Weekend Update skit showed basketball legend Dennis Rodman (Pharoah, with fake piercings through his lip, nose and ears) and his new buddy, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un (Bobby Moynihan), mimicking the duo’s unorthodox friendship.
The two shared a North Korean high-five – which involves slapping hands front and back, a fist pound and falling missile imitation, sound effects included. Host Seth Myers asked if North Koreans know who Rodman is.
“Some do,” ‘Rodman’ said. “The others think we’re shooting a new ‘Rush Hour’ movie.”
The night’s strongest skit involved a spoof of AMC’s popular series “The Walking Dead” – showing Hart as a zombie using racial sensitivity to avoid getting shot, even doing Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” dance.
And then there was a Dove Chocolate commercial voiceover, which saw Hart’s Dante reading opposite the wholesome Patricia (Vanessa Bayer), talking about flowers from the man and bubble baths and the chocolate’s “rich, silky-smooth” taste.
As Dante screamed into the microphone, his voice raspy and gritty and raw, Patricia used her vocals to soothe, smothering the room in sunbeams and marshmallows. Despite the mismatched attitudes, the Dove execs couldn’t make up their minds, nodding along with each new voice-over, congratulating the participants for nailing their readings – even if Dante’s statements didn’t make any sense because of the gender-bending.
You get the sense that the skit’s participants pulled inspiration from the SNL archives – namely, the Patrick Swayze-Chris Farley (R.I.P. to both) Chippendale’s dance-off classic from 1990. The pacing and gestures and theme were similar. The payout not so much, but still enough to garner laughs, rounding out another step in Hart’s comedic climb.
Patrick Swayze – Chippendale by tressage
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Announcer Don Pardo’s absence was recognizable this weekend. Pardo, who turned 95 recently, has been a SNL mainstay since the 1970s, his booming voice introducing generations of entertainers.
But after Pharoah said “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night,” a different voice sounded to introduce the cast and guests – the second recent episode with a fill-in announcer.
Pardo’s voice appeared briefly in pre-taped bits, but the show doesn’t feel the same without his voice leading the way.