NFL

Hondo’s NFL picks Week 4

It has been a season of shocking developments so far in the NFL. Who would have thought after Week 3 the Giants, Redskins, Niners, Steelers and Vikings would be in last place in their divisions? It’s almost as shocking as Hondo and Rico, the co-champs of last season’s playoff cume (spread standings plus over/unders) being deadlocked in the Bettor’s Guide basement.

Giants over Chiefs: Forget all the numbers that go into Big Blue being 0-3 and the Chiefs 3-0. Disregard the Giants’ EZ-Pass offensive and defensive lines, and Hakeem Nicks trashing Eli. There is one consideration here that supersedes all others for Big Blue: It’s a Manhood Reclamation Game. They lost it in Charlotte, where they were sack-less, even though they brought down Cam Newton once. If they don’t find it in KC, their season ends on Sept. 29.

According to SoBe’s own BarkingMut: The only other guy who fills out a red outfit as fully as Andy Reid drives a flying sleigh every Christmas Eve.

Jets over Titans: That’s it, three straight Gang Green covers is enough for Hondo to take the bait. Geno’s better than expected, the defense is dominating and Rex is doing a good job of pretending to be humble. That’s a winning recipe, or at least one that should be good for covering the 3¹/₂ -point spot.

Vikings over Steelers: Most readers of Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb’s debut in the Daily Ruse had the same reaction: Where’s the anti-gun rage that’s required writing for every other columnist?

Bills over Ravens: More from BarkingMut: To honor Raven WR Jacoby Jones, who allegedly was hit in the noggin with a champagne bottle by Baltimore stripper Sweet Pea on Sunday night, the Ravens say they’ll hand out bottle-head dolls of Jones at their next home game.

Browns over Bengals: If nothing else, the decision by Iranian President Rouhani to snub Obama after he groveled for a handshake spared Americans the sight of the President of the United States bowing to another world leader.

Colts over Jaguars: Hondo hears that when former Bill Clinton side piece Gennifer Flowers revealed that Bubba told her Hillary is bisexual, Michael Douglas hurriedly called the Pantsuit and issued a stern warning: Remember, Hillary, everything in moderation!

Texans over Seahawks: Meanwhile, Hillary continued to perpetuate the myth of her happy marriage, telling New York Magazine what she and Bill like to do when they’re alone together: “We laugh at our dogs. We watch stupid movies. We take long walks. We go for a swim.” However, none of it is done together.

Buccaneers over Cardinals: Speaking of Michael Douglas, he won an Emmy for his portrayal of Liberace in “Behind the Candelabra,” which also won for “best miniseries or movie.” The film confirmed what most suspected: The Candelabra wasn’t the only thing Liberace was behind.

Bears over Lions: In other Emmy news, Angry Alec Baldwin was nominated but didn’t win for “outstanding actor in a comedy series.” However, he was presented with a special Emmy for “outstanding rage-aholic actor who keeps getting commercial work despite assaulting photographers and insulting gays, blacks, coffee clerks and flight attendants.” Congratulations, Alec!

Chargers over Cowboys: Newark mayor Cory Booker, who has had problems because of stories he has told involving imaginary characters and events, has seen a slip in his poll numbers. The U.S. Senate hopeful was feeling a little down about that but has had his spirits lifted by calls of support from Manti Te’o and Ct. Senator Richard “Lying Dick” Blumenthal.

If the Booker camp was trying to quell rumors about Cory’s sexuality by outing him for his twitter relationship with an Oregon stripper, it failed miserably. By now, most single heteros would have made several trips to Portland to visit with the lusty and busty Lynsie Lee.

Redskins over Raiders: “One-Wipe Charlies” and other brands of moistened toilet paper are said to be responsible for massive sewer clogs around the world. The problem is people love their “Charlies” and are having a hard time giving them up, which seems like a problem of mind over fecal matter.

Broncos over Eagles: Before becoming “Bill de Blasio,” the city’s Democrat candidate for mayor reportedly changed his name from Warren Whilelm to Warren de Blasio-Wilhelm. That’s not entirely uncommon for a politician — remember that one of his opponents in the primary once went by “Carlos Danger.”

Other names he considered before finally settling on Bill de Blasio: Fidel de Blasio, Bill Ortega, Bill de Marx, Nikita de Blasio, Red Billy, and Sean de Penn.

Falcons over Patriots: Obama, who has endorsed de Blasio in his bid to Occupy Gracie Mansion, was photographed Tuesday at a Clinton foundation gathering. It’s always good to see a couple of hard-line socialists talking redistribution.

Saints over Dolphins: New York State soon will implement “texting zones” on highways. According to Hondo’s second-but-equal heir, it hasn’t been announced yet, but also in the works are several Carlos Danger Sexting Zones for those who feel the need as they’re driving to drop trou, snap a few selfies, and send them off to their friends.

BEST BETS: Giants, Chargers, Saints.

THURSDAY NIGHT: Rams.