Sara Stewart

Sara Stewart

Movies

Beautiful ‘Piano’ music can’t salvage this silly thriller

The only way I can make sense of this movie is to imagine it was made on a dare: Someone bet Spanish director/composer Eugenio Mira he couldn’t do “Speed,” but with a piano instead of a bus — and the guy likes to prove people wrong. I can respect that.

Equal props go to Elijah Wood for giving it his all in this stylish, preposterous thriller. As tormented classical pianist Tom Selznick — who has somehow attained rock-star status, the first of the film’s many, many implausibilities — he quivers and sweats artfully as he realizes he’ll be killed if he doesn’t play every single note right in the concert he’s currently performing before a packed house.

Who’s that playing the baddie mouthing menacing instructions into Tom’s ear via Bluetooth? Why, it’s John Cusack, whose career seems to be undergoing a sort of anti-McConnaissance. He’s flanked by Alex “Bill S. Preston” Winter as a nefarious usher, while the lovely Kerry Bishé is Tom’s imperiled movie-actress wife.

While absolutely nothing in “Grand Piano” makes the least bit of sense, it is admittedly gorgeous to look at and listen to. Give Mira a decent script, and he might be a director to be reckoned with.