‘While the cat’s away . . .” may be a common expression, but Evan Rothstein has found that his cat never gets to get away.
A 26-year-old high school teacher, Rothstein has been invited to visit various friends and family outside of the city this summer, in locales like Connecticut and Lake George, but his 9-month-old kitten, Cosmo, hasn’t been welcome.
“I’m always like, ‘Is it a big deal if I bring Cosmo?’ ” he says. The answer, so far, has consistently been to leave his kitty at home.
“Not all people are cat people,” Rothstein concedes.
For city dwellers, summer can be a wonderful time of visiting friends with beach houses or cozy cabins in the woods, but hosts often don’t include pets in the invite. The etiquette surrounding a pet “plus-one” can be awkward, pitting pet owners who can’t bear to be away from Fido against vacation home owners who would prefer not to deal with pet hair clogging the pool drain or begging dogs at the barbecue.
“We face this conundrum all the time,” says Jacqueline Whitmore, an international etiquette expert based in Palm Beach, Fla. Whitmore has two Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppies and hates leaving them home alone when she travels, but as a professional polite person, she recognizes that bringing her dogs along when she’s staying at someone else’s home isn’t always kosher.
“The first rule of etiquette is always ask permission,” says Whitmore, who likens bringing a pet without asking to showing up to a wedding with an unannounced guest. It’s “rude” and “puts everybody in an awkward situation.”
Whitmore warns not to expect a “yes” answer. “Don’t assume that everybody wants to be with your pet and has the same affection for your pet.” And if you think just asking a host will be awkward, “make other arrangements or decline the invitation.”
Some hosts do have affection for pets. Kathy Ruck, a 37-year-old teacher who lives in Brick, NJ, on the shore, frequently has guests searching for an ocean respite from the summer heat, and she welcomes their dogs.
“I’m kind of like the dog house,” says Ruck, who lives with her husband, her newborn baby girl, and their 4-year-old yellow lab, Marley. “A lot of my family have dogs. They like to come down and they usually bring their pets with them.”
She’s even fine hosting her sister’s two dogs, who are less than well-behaved. “They like to go to the bathroom in the house,” Ruck says.
If you do get the go-ahead to bring Fido or Fluffy, proceed with care. “Make sure you bring all the provisions,” says Whitmore. “I always bring my own bowls. I always bring a sheet to put on the bed [and a] blanket to put on the couch. Then I clean up the hair.”
If a pet leaves more of a mess than just some stray hairs, “offer to compensate for any damages or any expenses incurred for the homeowner,” she says.
If a host has pets themselves, Lyudmila Bloch, etiquette expert and a founder of etiquetteoutreach.com, says that it’s important to consider any issues that may arise between creatures. “Compatibility is important,” she says. “Learn about the breeds you’re visiting.”
Block also says that hosts can and should set clear parameters for pet guests. “Make sure you ask questions: Is the dog well-trained?” she notes. Don’t be afraid to tell a friend that “their dog has to be extremely well-behaved.”
Kate Steinberg, 30, a physician who lives in the West Village, says that emphasizing that her Maltese pup Syd is low maintenance has made him welcome in friends’ homes, even for dinner parties. “I usually say, ‘He doesn’t shed.’ ”
On the other hand, Rothstein acknowledges that even if a host were to consent, bringing Cosmo along on a trip wouldn’t be easy.
“The thing with the cat is there’s always the litter box,” he says. “How do you bring a traveling litter box?”
pets@nypost.com