THE E! channel thinks we should give a rat’s rear end about the ongoing non-adventures of a young woman who became famous for being one of three busty blondes who lived and had sex with a Viagra-fueled near-corpse in exchange for living like an old-time concubine in an ugly mansion that was more decrepit and in greater need of renovation than the ancient, Viagra-pig himself.
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Now that they’ve all left ol’ Hef, E! has given Kendra — the dopey, youngest girl from “The Girls Next Door,” the one with the Tourettes-like cackle and huge boobs — her own reality show.
“Kendra” is yet another of those dreary celeb reality shows which are about as much fun as watching clothes spin in a dryer.
Even though the breathless press releases and the $2 theme song reminds us that Kendra’s on her own for the first time, the show, in fact, revolves around her move into a new house with her fiancé, Hank Baskett, the Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver.
With camera crews in tow, she’s about as alone as the grand marshall of the St. Paddy’s Day Parade.
Anyway, after we endure listening to her talk about how to unpack a TV set (“Setting up a TV’s a major job. I’ve never set up a TV before” she says, then cackles some more), we learn from Hank that the TV is now “In Rascal’s [her dog] peeing range.” Now that’s entertainment!
Then, in a real exercise in intellectual drama, we watch as Kendra goes bridal gown shopping.
Since she’s better at getting undressed than dressed, she seems to be clueless about how to put a dress on — standing there with those enormous boobs blurred out for the camera.
After that bit of excitement, she and Hank are off to visit “Hef,” Kendra’s old boyfriend (who hasn’t been a “boy” since Lincoln’s first term).
The smoking-jacket king comes down to greet them, looking like Scrooge in the animated movie.
When Kendra asks if he’s wearing cologne, Hef, who fancies himself an intellectual but shows himself to be a big bigot, says, “I smell like an Italian whore!”
A what? What if he’d said, “Black whore,” or “Jewish whore,” or other ethnic slur? It would never have made the cut.
Kendra and Hank are so clueless they laugh (well, she cackles).
But E!? Shame on them. At least somebody should have some shame here.
“Kendra” Sunday night at 10 on E! no stars