Fake breasts, like those on Heidi Montag (above), have become a joke. Today, flatter is better — and many filmmakers prefer natural profiles like Zoe Saldana’s. (Kyle Rover/startraksphoto.com)
Women have something they’ve been meaning to get off their chests for a while now: their gigantic fake boobs. Like Sharon Osbourne, who just yesterday declared she’s had enough of her 34DDs. She will undergo surgery in July to remove her implants — and turn them into paperweights, which she’ll give to her husband, rocker Ozzy Osbourne. “They’re better on his desk than on my chest,” Osbourne, 57, told Matt Lauer on the “Today” show. “They’re awful!”
Yes, the human Barbie doll look may finally be on the way out, thanks in part to a handful of terrible role models. Cases in point: Heidi Montag, star of “The Hills,” who has now injected her chest with so much silicone that she’s not medically allowed to make it any bigger — or Amy Winehouse, rushed to the hospital last week because of complications from her implants.
Now, even Hollywood is starting to actively prohibit implants (and when the film industry deems something too fake, you know it’s bad). Recently, a casting notice seeking extras for the fourth installment of “Pirates of the Caribbean” specified that actresses “must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.” It went on to explain that there would be a “show and tell” boob-veracity test that involved, among other things, running.
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“I think the ‘Pirates’ story is indicative of a larger trend in Hollywood,” says one female casting agent who’s been working on movies and TV shows for nearly two decades. She asked to remain anonymous. “Large implants, in my opinion, take the projects and the actors to a sleazier level,” she says. “They become a joke.”
“I do see a trend of bodies going more natural,” agrees agent Megan Foley, who has cast more than 3,000 commercials and, most recently, a James Brolin film.
“About 10 years ago, I worked on ‘Blow’ with Ted Demme, and [no implants] was the main requirement for the girls. And trust me, back then, it was a tall order!”
Danny Roth is another casting agent on the no-boob-job bandwagon. One of his latest films, “Open House,” opens at Tribeca next week, featuring an “implant-free” cast including Anna Paquin, Rachel Blanchard and Tricia Helfer (best known as the hot blonde from “Battlestar Galactica”).
“If you’re talented, let your talent speak for you,” says Roth, who has offices in New York and LA.
“Rachel, our lead, has definitely relied just on talent,” he says. “She’s not well-endowed.
“Personally,” Roth adds, “I think implants are indicative of something else, potentially. Insecurity, or that they’re taking advice from people they shouldn’t be taking advice from.”
While boob jobs have enjoyed a long heyday — the American Society of Plastic Surgeons reports the number of breast augmentations in the US increased 657 percent from 1992 to 2003 — their numbers are slowing.
The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery reported an 11 percent drop in breast augmentations from 2007 to 2008, and a further 2 percent drop in 2009.
In 2008, there were 355,671 boob jobs performed in the US — but there were also 40,000 implant removals.
When it comes to the entertainment industry, any woman with designs on being taken seriously as an actress should take a close look at the silhouettes of today’s A-list gals: Zoe Saldana, who’s openly described herself as “flat-chested.” Natalie Portman, who has said that “breast implants gross me out. I don’t think they’re attractive at all.” Keira Knightley, star of the first three “Pirates” movies, who has talked about having cleavage painted on for her roles rather than go under the knife.
Olivia Wilde, Kristen Bell, Sienna Miller, Emily Blunt, Anne Hathaway, Michelle Williams . . . the list of small-cup beauties goes on.
Of course, there are the busty actresses who opt to stay that way — but their chests don’t look like molded plastic.
“Kate Winslet, who has not had implants but does have larger breasts than most, can be identified with [by most women] while doing love scenes,” says the anonymous casting agent. “You can see they don’t stand up straight while she’s lying down!”
Adult-film star Sasha Grey, who knows a thing or two about acting while lying down, says she’s never been tempted to jack up the size of her 32B chest. “I’ve seen enough bad implants to never want a pair myself,” says Grey. “I’m very confident with the body I have.”
Grey, who’s also modeled for the American Apparel chain, credits the Internet — that bastion of pornography — for making it possible for natural-breasted actresses to thrive. “We [now] see a healthy balance of tastes, not just an overabundance of augmented breasts,” she says.
Flash back two decades, when it was the flat-chested girls who were getting laughed out of casting rooms. One early ’90s episode of MTV’s “House of Style” features designer Betsey Johnson crowing about her new boob job: “This year in the fashion industry,” she says, “if you’re a woman without tits, you don’t work!”
Starting in the late ’80s, big boobs were the big thing — and surgery was the fast (if pricey) way to get them. On “Baywatch,” Pamela Anderson became the mascot for the breast- implant industry, with female co-stars like Carmen Electra following close behind. In 1995, Jenny McCarthy and her fake breasts were the three stars of the hot MTV show “Singled Out.”
But McCarthy eventually wrote a tell-all about the horrors of that boob job, and even Anderson has fallen from grace. The blond bombshell reportedly downsized hers, but she remains the negative role model for many women today.
As a spokesperson for Wilhelmina, a major NYC-based modeling agency, told The Post, “Do we take women with Pamela Anderson boobs? Nope.”
Still, the allure of surgical perfection will always beckon.
Just last week, Page Six reported that Kate Hudson, long known for her relative flat-chestedness, was rumored to have added brand-new implants.
Tellingly, she made a comment two years ago about her own image on the poster for her movie “Fool’s Gold.”
“They are so not my boobs — they look too perfect,” she said at the time. “Seriously, if I ever wanted to have them done, I’d take this poster to the doctor and say, ‘This is what I want them to look like.’ ”
It could be that Hudson, like many actresses before her, finally succumbed to temptation.