This is sexual progress?
America just endured The Year of the Bimbo. Attractive Republican women, from Rep. Michele Bachmann to Sarah Palin, were demonized and derided by lefty comic Bill Maher with an unprintable word that begins with “c.’’ Not because of their politics or the contents of their brains. But the quality of their boobs.
How things have changed.
For the first time in human history, or at least since the election of man candy Sen. Scott Brown, we’re seeing true equality of the sexes. Call it — The Year of the Manslut.
We’re in for a bumpy ride.
Today’s reigning male model — cool on the campaign trail, red hot in the bedroom — is Republican vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan, a seven-term representative from Wisconsin who has a plan for balancing the budget and cutting taxes. He also, you may have read, possesses bedroom eyes, an Eddie Munster widow’s peak, and smoking washboard abs that contain just 6 to 8 percent body fat.
Call a woman sexy, and you risk being labeled misogynist.
Call a man sexy, and you turn him into a dirty joke.
It wasn’t just the gossip Web site TMZ.com that reported Ryan works out in the House gym every day. Self-serious Politico.com lost its collective marbles when gazing into Ryan’s dreamy baby blues.
“Forget the budget,’’ says a headline. “Paul Ryan is hot!’’
“Paul Ryan Makes Medicare Sexy Again,’’ blared Barron’s, assuming it ever was.
The left-leaning Los Angeles Times was downright saucy. The paper noted that “America may have a fitness problem, but not on its presidential ticket.’’ Then, like a horny heroine in a bodice-ripping novel, the LA Times gushingly revealed that Ryan once considered becoming a professional skier. I once considered becoming a professional rock star, but I got over it.
Pop the name of the 42-year-old married dad-of-three into Google.com. Wedged between listings for “Paul Ryan budget plan’’ and “Paul Ryan health care plan’’ comes the fantasy heading: “Paul Ryan shirtless.’’ Sadly, no picture of a topless Ryan exists online.
A viral Internet meme has Ryan crooning, “Hey, girl.’’ As in, “Hey, girl, it’s not the size of your economy that matters, it’s whether you know how to handle it.’’
New York magazine published a silly piece headlined, “Paul Ryan Is Your Annoying Libertarian Ex-Boyfriend.’’ In it, writer Ann Friedman channels her grandma, who’d say Ryan and GOP ticket topper Mitt Romney are “good-lookin’ fellas.’’ Then, she complains about the fellas’ increasing popularity among women, arguing that females must support expensive social programs because, duh, we make less money.
By that logic, we gals lose our pretty heads when confronted with Ryan’s rocking body. Do we even deserve the right to vote?
Even Vice President Joe Biden once slobbered over Ryan’s perfect pecs. In June, before Ryan was named candidate, the veep called the 6-foot-2, 163-pound side of beefcake “a bright, handsome guy from the state of Wisconsin. He’s a fine guy.”
Biden added, “I think his ideas are not nearly as fine as he is a man.” He’s so fine! The Chiffons want their song back.
Not to be outdone, The Washington Post yesterday breathlessly explored a topic familiar to Hillary Rodham Clinton: The candidates’ clothes.
While Romney is “polished,’’ the paper said, Ryan is “rumpled, slightly sloppy . . . As if he’d flown in hours before and mistakenly picked up someone else’s suitcase.’’
Conservative speechwriter Lisa Schiffren is amazed by the frenzy over Ryan’s hottitude:
“Yes, they are trying to make him look ridiculous, and, by implication, dumb. But it won’t work.
“It’s hard not to respect someone who looks that good — and can do the math!’’ she said. “It suggests great personal discipline, which is a quality entirely absent in the current administration.’’
Yes, Ryan’s a babe. He’s also smart.
Can Paul Ryan overcome reverse sexism? One can only hope.
Jennifer’s life no longer the Pitts
Seven years after being dumped by Brad Pitt and a week before Brad’s reported marriage to Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston announced her engagement to Justin Theroux.
How will Brad take the news about his ex-wife? He displayed continued obsession with Jen last year, dissing their marriage in Parade magazine. “I wasn’t living an interesting life myself,’’ he overshared.
Playing house husband to Angie will surely make things interesting.
Get out! swiftly!
Taylor Swift — I’m worried about you.
The lovely songbird, 22, was a repeat weekend guest at the Kennedy compound in Hyannis Port, Mass., where she hung out with boy beau Conor Kennedy, 18. He’s the son of odious environmentalist Robert Kennedy Jr. and the late Mary Richardson Kennedy, who committed suicide after being abandoned by her hub.
Meanwhile, rumors swirl that Taylor bought a $4.9 million house next door to Conor’s grandma, Ethel Kennedy, matriarch of a clan that can’t handle women and cars.
The upside is that Conor won’t need to drive to see her. Run, Taylor!
Weiner’s rent-cash wizardry
Anthony Weiner changes diapers in style.
The unemployable doofus, who quit Congress last year to play Mr. Mom to infant son Jordan, has moved on up to Park Avenue South. After he admitted sexting photos of his frisky manhood to gals half his age, Weiner went from a crummy Queens apartment to a fabulous, $3.3 million spread with wife and Hillary Rodham Clinton aide Huma Abedin, The Post reported.
How does he pay for it?
Monthly rent on the lavish pad should run at least $12,000 to $14,000, said real-estate types. Huma makes $155,000 a year. Weiner’s House salary topped out at $174,000.
The 2,120-square-foot, 3.5-bath flat is owned by Rosen Partners LLC, headed by Jack Rosen, who’s donated big bucks to both Bill’s and Hillary’s campaigns, and to President Obama’s.
A Hillary spokesman insists Weiner and Abedin pay “market rate’’ for the space. With Weiner as housekeeper and nanny, he must save a bundle.
NYPD boo is unjustified
Wielding a hammer like a weapon, Hasidic Jew Gidone Busch, 31, was shot dead in Borough Park, Brooklyn, in 1999 by four police officers, firing 12 shots. A Brooklyn grand jury refused to indict the cops. A federal court wouldn’t touch them. A US civil court jury concluded that the patrolmen acted in self-defense.
This case comes to mind after Darrius Kennedy, 51, lunged at cops with a knife in Times Square, shouting, “Shoot me!’’ Two officers fired 12 rounds, killing Kennedy. His family thinks this was police brutality.
I disagree.
A hammer or knife in the hands of a disturbed person can be deadly. I believe cops acted in self-defense.