SHAKE ON IT: Rex Ryan (left) and Tom Coughlin will likely exchange pleasantries after Saturday night’s Jets-Giants preseason game. For now, Steve Serby wonders how a call between the coaches would go. (Cal Sport Media/Sipa Press)
It is 7 a.m. and the telephone is ringing in Tom Coughlin’s office.
“Tom? Rex Ryan.”
“(Pauses) Uh, hello Rex. What can I do for you?”
Rex: “Ready for the Wildcat?”
Tom: “I’m worried about my team, to be honest with you, Rex. We’re trying to build a bridge.”
Rex: “Hey, speaking of bridges, I could probably walk across one now and not have it collapse (laugh out loud). Too bad Brandon Jacobs isn’t still with you, he wouldn’t be telling me, ‘Shut up, Fatboy,’ there’s no doubt (laugh out loud). Hey, how was training camp?”
Tom: “Quiet, just the way we like it. No distractions. Just focus, focus, focus.”
Rex: “Tebow, Tebow, Tebow for us, as I’m sure you heard. Just the way Woody. . .I mean, just the way we, like it. Comes with the territory when you’ve been to two AFC Championship games in the last three years, I guess. For a second there, I thought Sal Pal was coming home with me from Cortland (laughs).
Tom: “Say hi to Tony Sparano for me. He coached with me in Jacksonville.”
Rex: “He’s a madman with this Wildcat. Hope it’s not keeping you up at night (laughs out loud).”
Tom: “We’re concerned with the Giants. Improvement, improvement, improvement. Trying to get better every day.”
Rex: “Well yeah, but I’ll be honest with you, Tom, I’m not here to kiss your rings. You take a swipe at one of ours, we’ll take a swipe at two of yours.”
Tom: “It’s a beautiful ring. Tiffany’s, in consultation with Eli Manning and several of our players, did a super job.”
Rex: “Eli’s elite, there’s no doubt. The guy prepares a lot better than Brady, there’s no doubt. It would have been something if we signed Peyton, but like Woody said, we passed on him. But anyway, I’ll bet on me every time. I think I’m the best defensive coach in football.”
Tom: “Every week is a challenge in this league.”
Rex: “Well, I just happen to have a new challenge for you Saturday night — Cromartie’s playing some wide receiver for us. He probably thinks he’d be the second-best receiver on your team (laughs out loud).”
Tom: “We like our receivers, thank you very much.”
Rex: “And you like your punter a helluva lot better than Westhoff liked your punter when he was here!”
Tom: “Weatherford’s done a nice job for us.”
Rex: “Hey, just curious, what was the White House like? I’ve stopped making guarantees, but that’s still the goal. . . . Did the president say anything about Tebow by the way?”
Tom: “President Obama was very gracious, as was President Bush following Super Bowl XLII. We’re humbled and honored. Once in a lifetime is a blessing. But twice in a lifetime? Are you kidding me? Do you know what that feels like?”
Rex: “Uh, no . . . not yet anyway . . . What about Tebow? Did Obama mention him?
Tom: “No. No mention that I can recall.”
Rex: “Hey, just want you to know I’m personally calling our season-ticket holders to make sure they don’t sell a single ticket to a single Giants fan. You’re coming into our house Saturday night!”
Tom: “It’s the second preseason game. We’d like to win, just as we’d like to win any football game we play, but not at the expense of evaluating people. It’ll be a valuable teaching tool as we build towards the regular season.”
Rex: “Sounds good to me. (Nervous laugh). Try to have JPP and the boys go easy on Sanchez in that case. I don’t know who has an easier job, your backup quarterback or your defensive coordinator. Mike Pettine and I have to scheme our butts off to get near the quarterback.”
Tom: “We all have very high regard for Perry Fewell, thank you very much.”
Rex: “Hey congratulate Steve Tisch on his latest movie. If he ever needs someone to play a cheesy lawyer who’s a Patriots fan, give him my number. Did you get a chance to see ‘That’s My Boy?’ by the way?”
Tom: “You’re asking the wrong guy. You should ask my grandchildren. I’m in here trying to build a bridge. We have no illusion about the improvement that needs to be made and I’m talking about from the top of our team to the bottom of our team.”
Rex: “By the way, I didn’t have a single problem with Plaxico last year.”
Tom: “We’re extremely happy for him and his family that the young man is able to once again enjoy the freedoms of this great country of ours.”
Rex: “Hey Tom, any chance I can borrow that General Odierno friend of yours to help me keep Santonio in line (laugh out loud)?”
Tom: “I don’t know about that. But country first, always.”
Rex: “OH OH SAY CAN YOU SEE. . . (Laughs out loud) . . .ANY GIANT SUPER BOWL LOGOS? (Laughs out loud).
Tom: “Talk is cheap. Let’s play the game (hangs up).”
steve.serby@nypost.com