It didn’t take long to be returned to the spot we were left at the end of last football season (and the one before that) — the Gardens of Absurdities, Goddess of Colossal Nonsense.
In the first quarter of the first Sunday of this NFL season, Fox’s Moose Johnston, a master of making a non-story long, told us that we had just seen something revealing, remarkable — even fantastic — from Washington’s rookie quarterback Robert Griffin III.
Over a replay, Johnston marveled at Griffin’s maturity and aplomb — “Look how poised he is!” — and Griffin’s vision, specifically “his ability to look downfield.” Johnston insisted we should be highly impressed by what we had just witnessed.
Though there’s little doubt, judging from what we saw of him at Baylor, that Griffin is a smart, talented, eyes-open QB, this is what had just happened:
As Griffin dropped back to pass, he dropped the ball, which bounced at his feet. So he picked it up. Next, he looked up, saw some room in front of him, so he ran the ball back to the line of scrimmage.
What had caused such wow and wonder from this expert was no different from what all QBs at every level instinctively do. Heck, it’s what you, I, and Tickle Me Elmo likely would have done.
Yet, season after season we’re condemned to sort through such rubbish. We’re left to conclude that good broadcasters are hired purely by accident. Is there a FOX shot-caller who could have watched this play, listened to Johnston’s take, then concluded that he really knows his stuff? Probably.
Is there no network executive able to take aside the nonsense-talkers and endless-talkers to firmly suggest they stop? Or is it that those who do the hiring and firing can’t distinguish good from bad, don’t know a damned thing about the sports they’re charged with televising?
Saturday, during USC-Stanford, Trojans punter Kyle Negrete awaited the snap at midfield. Naturally, he would try to kick toward either sideline, inside the 20. And that’s what he did. It bounced out of bounds at the Stanford 10.
But all of that — with more to come — was lost on FOX’s top college football man, Gus Johnson. He saw the ball headed toward the near sideline so he immediately declared that Negrete had “shanked it off the side of his foot,” that he had botched it.
But it doesn’t matter that Johnson repeatedly demonstrates his ignorance of the subject matter. He hollers and screams. That’s what made him attractive to MSG, CBS, and now to FOX.
Stats continue to be presented free of the clear-and-present circumstances that create them. Sunday, when FOX’s Joe Buck noted that the Giants’ previous one-game passing yards record was 513 by Phil Simms, in 1985, wouldn’t it have made contextual sense to add that it came in a loss, 35-30? That day, with the Bengals up 21-0, Simms was forced to throw early and often — 62 times. The circumstances were similar to Eli Manning’s Sunday vs. the Bucs.
Sunday, the Jets completed a 10-yard pass, a simple stop-and-turn to Santonio Holmes. Barely worth one replay, CBS replayed it three times — the last in slow motion! Had this been when the Jets sent Tim Tebow in to run a gimmick, CBS would’ve been showing us a spiraling ball in slo-mo.
Season after season, there’s no evidence that TV provides an informed examination of what they pay billions to present. There’s far more evidence of added ignorance than improvement.
Only the French can compete for sustained senselessness. They considered Jerry Lewis the funniest man in the world.
Asleep at switch, Francesa runs damage control
The Elias Sports Bureau now confirms that Sweeny Murti’s chat with Mike Francesa last week established Murti as the record-holder for the longest uninterrupted session with Francesa.
Next, Elias has to determine if an asterisk shall be attached to the record, based on the fact that Francesa was unconscious.
Pity he’s such a transparent, disingenuous, self-important creep. To think how much fun he could have had with this.
But not King Mikey. He insisted that what was plainly seen didn’t happen — he didn’t fall asleep on air. And to those who called to bust his chops about it, the best he could respond with was, “I get paid a fortune to sit here and do this.”
Meanwhile, the latest gone-missing Francesa tapes include his rude dismissal of a caller who, with the Yankees in first by eight, suggested it wasn’t over. Soon thereafter, the Yankees slumped and eventually were caught by the Orioles. Sunday, he pompously ridiculed a caller for suggesting that the Cardinals would beat the Patriots in Foxborough. Cards, 20-18.
➤ Michael Kay continues to play us for forgetful fools. On Yankees telecasts, several times over the past few weeks, he has asked how it’s possible that so many major leaguers don’t bother to run to first because they presume the outcome. Hey, no argument here.
Yet Sunday, when Alex Rodriguez stood near home, posing on a shot to right that was caught, Kay excused Rodriguez with the explanation that, “He thought it was gone.” No kidding.
Wednesday, late in a one-run game, Andruw Jones presumed his pop to first would be caught or go foul. Either way, he was wrong. The ball was fair but was dropped. However, having not bothered to run to first, he became an easy out. Kay said nothing about Jones’s erroneous presumption.
➤ Among those assigned to the new NCAA post-Penn State-scandal task force is Harris Pastides, president of the University of South Carolina. During Pastides’ five-years in that job, South Carolina has been among the Division I leaders in arrested football recruits.
➤ Bad-backed Fred Couples shows up in an ad endorsing an anti-inflammatory medication and claiming to have never felt better. Two days later, he withdrew from an event after his first swing.
➤ Hey, if you see Shaquille O’Neal driving one of those Buick Lacrosse’s he pitches on TV, let us know, OK?