READ ALL ABOUT IT: Rachael Taylor trips over the scary history of 666 Park in newspaper stashed on the building’s haunted basement. . (
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Call it “Rosemary’s Grandfather.” I’m talking about “666 Park Avenue,” ABC’s not-scary rip-off of “Rosemary’s Baby.
Like the classic movie, this series involves a building in NYC where the devil and his wife live. Or maybe it’s the devil’s apprentice and his mistress.
Anyway, The Drake is like the roach motel: You can check in but you can’t check out without literally checking out.
See, this very fancy building is owned by the Dorans (a k a Mr. and Mrs. Satan played by Terry O’Quinn and Vanessa Williams), who lure extremely good-looking 20-somethings to move in and then get them to sign a lease with Lucifer. Or something.
The Lucifer leases are only offered to people who need something from the Satans as much as the Satans need something from them. Like? Like: Bring my wife back from the dead, and I’ll kill guys for you. That kind of thing.
Into the Drake comes the low-rent 2012 version of Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse, Jane (Rachael Taylor) and Henry (Dave Annable).
They are shocked—shocked! — when Gavin offers Jane (an out-of-work architect) and Henry (an urban planner in the mayor’s office) the gig as building managers complete with fancy digs.
Of course, as smart and good-looking as they are, Jane and Henry haven’t yet figured out that everything has a hitch — such as, oh, selling your soul to the devil.
The other extremely good-looking couples in the building are probably already in cahoots with the devil.
In short order, we meet aspiring playwright Brian (Robert Buckley) and Louise, his photographer wife (Mercedes Masohn), who can’t have an orgasm. (Gee, I wonder what he wants from Lucifer).
But not to worry, gorgeous Alexis (Helena Mattsson), who is constantly stripping in the open window across the way, gets the gig as Mercedes’ assistant!
Then, wouldn’t you know it, Louise gets her head caught in the elevator and probably goes blind (like Guy’s rival Donald Baumgart in “Rosemary’s Baby”).
There’s even the street-urchin (Samantha Logan) here, but she’s not the one who jumps off the building. It’s another young, beauty.
The real problem with this show, as in so many series, is the cast. I mean, can’t anyone hire regular-looking people anymore? Is it forbidden by the devil?
Clearly anyone who looked as real-life and acted as real as John Cassavetes would never get hired for a TV series lead.
I know, I know, models deserve to work, too.
On the good side, though, at least we now have proof positive that this city’s urban planners sell their souls to the devil.
How else to explain why the Department of Transportation’s Janette Sadik-Khan was given free reign to turn NYC streets into a bad board game that annoys everyone to death?