As I watched the final season of “Jersey Shore” — and felt joy that it was done — horrible rumors popped up about another show, “The X Factor,” confirming King Kong Khloe Kardashian as host.
Quick as that, it ruined my day!
But for now, let’s deal with one national disgrace at a time. “Jersey the Shore,” the tsunami that hit the Garden State six seasons ago is finally ending. And from the look of it, it was one season too late.
Snooki and Mike can’t drink.
Deena is so depressed, drunk and demented that her parents should institutionalize her instead of letting her go to the shore one more time.
JWoww is beginning to get that Britney Spears banged-up, one cocktail over the line look. Vinny is suffering from anxiety attacks. Ronnie must have been fooling around in the science lab because he’s gone from the Missing Link to full-on ape, while his girlfriend, Sammi, is behaving like an abused spouse in training.
And Pauly D? He is in a crisis, I think. One day his hair looks like a short stack at the diner and the next like he’s wearing a felt crown.
It’s all so tragic.
Years of making themselves into substance-abusing morons and public-place-urinating menaces is coming to an end.
They are no longer clueless, idiot kids without manners or education. Now they are adult idiots without manners and they just look, well, sad and desperate.
The season begins as all the others have, with the group waving goodbye to their families like they are still bright-faced ignoramuses. Their faces aren’t bright anymore.
Too many years of hard-partying — so that we could all laugh at them — has taken its toll. They are all a mess.
But now it’s not self-imposed messing for our amusement. Now it’s just like watching an army of Amy Winehouses get loaded — but without any of her talent.
Since Snooki is pregnant, mostly all she does is whine and pout that she can’t party and invites her baby daddy over.
The big thing which has been hyped is that she announces she can’t be in the party house any longer because well, she’s got “f&*kin’ responsibilities” now.
Conveniently there’s a vacant apartment right next door to the house. What are the odds of that?
I’d say this final season plays like a morality tale, but there is no moral or morals to this insanity. GTL is DOA … bitches.