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Let the Obama versus Romney presidential debate begin, centered around our most pressing issue: Mark Sanchez or Tim Tebow?
Romney: Our country needs a change in leadership, and clearly, so do the Jets. We don’t need four more years of Sanchez.
Obama: Tebow is a fine young man. But any Tebow offense would reek of Ground and Pound conservatism in a league that throws liberally.
Romney: Quite frankly, it’s not surprising that you, Mr. President, are tolerant of someone who makes mistakes at an alarming rate.
Obama: My experience in the Oval Office has taught me that the worst thing you can do during times of crisis is push the panic button.
Romney: This isn’t about change for change sake. It’s about keeping Rex Ryan and his coaches from joining the endless unemployment lines under your watch, Mr. President.
Obama: Not that my White House correspondents could relate to this, but never let the facts get in the way of a good story, Mitt. Our nation’s percentage of unemployed is dwindling.
Romney: So, by the way, what is Sanchez’s completion percentage, Mr. President?
Obama: At least it’s above the 47 percent of Americans you’ve told us you have little use for, Mitt. Look, the Jets haven’t done a good job of surrounding him with weapons. And that is exactly why I support a strong military.
Romney: The Cold War taught us that the best defense is a good offense. The Jets resemble the Egyptian army in the Six-Day War.
Obama: Tebow has shown himself to be the good soldier. But I seriously doubt that he will be keeping Bill Belichick up at night any time soon.
Romney: There you go again. Tebow rallied the troops in Denver. I haven’t seen charisma like that since Ronald Reagan. Keeping him confined to this so-called Wildcat is making him as useless as Joe Biden, no disrespect intended, Mr. President.
Obama: I bet even the NFL replacement refs would have flagged that as a cheap shot, Mitt. I never served with Ronald Reagan, but you’re no Ronald Reagan! Our nation should feel more comfortable with Joe Biden as the backup than Jets fans should feel with Tebow as Sanchez’s backup.
Romney: Another game like the last one and you might want to loan Sanchez some of your Secret Service detail.
Obama: He’s a mentally tough young man. Certainly not as mentally tough as our Seal Team Six team that meted out justice in courageous fashion in Pakistan, but check out his playoff resume.
Romney: If Sanchez keeps holding on to the ball like this, he better hope he won’t need to worry about Obamacare. Not to mention his decision-making, which is as disturbing as twiddling one’s thumbs while Iran builds a nuclear bomb.
Obama: Let me assure the American people that Iran currently has the capability to launch a nuclear weapon about as accurately as Tebow can throw a football.
Romney: The American people would feel a heckuva lot more secure knowing that Belichick was in charge of espionage in your administration, Mr. President.
Obama: Sanchez has beaten Belichick and Brady. Tebow never had a prayer.
Romney: The good news for the commissioner is that there isn’t a defensive coordinator who will even think about putting a bounty out on Sanchez.
Obama: Mike Tannenbaum didn’t do Sanchez any favors drafting Vlad Ducasse and trusting Wayne Hunter. Tear down that wall, Mr. Tannenbaum! And now, alone without Tone? Please.
Romney: It’s shocking to me that a left winger like you, Mr. President, does not support a left-handed quarterback, a product of the great Sunshine State.
Obama: It’s clear that you would rather be right than president.
Romney: I’m sure you’re aware that my good friend Woody Johnson has PSLs to sell. Coach Ryan says he will do what’s in the best interests of his football team. Making the owner happy is in the best interests of his football team. And him.
Thank you, gentlemen.
steve.serby@nypost.com