Opinion

What women want

This election is making me feel oh so special.

One party is gallantly protecting me from the other party’s “war on women.” The president wants my vote so badly that he’s trying to scare me with his opponent’s plan to return to “the social policy of the 1950s,” which I assume means back-alley abortions. Both parties are aggressively courting me in their quest for the women’s vote.

“Women’s issues.” “Women’s reproductive rights.” How will I ever readjust to being a mere segment of the human race when I have been singled out for so much special treatment?

Easy. I find the Democrats’ one-track appeal to women demeaning. What women want isn’t that different from what men want: a job that pays well and offers opportunities for advancement; a good education for our children; access to health care; a government that protects our inalienable rights and keeps us safe.

Focusing on our bodies instead of ourselves actually sets the women’s movement back to, well, the 1950s, when men went to work and their wives stayed home to cook and clean and raise the kids. In appealing to women on a single issue, albeit an important one, Democrats, in their own way, are doing exactly what they accuse Republicans of doing: waging a war on women — on our brains, not our bodies. They are treating us as if we’re too narrow-minded to see beyond abortion. The economy? Leave that to the men. It’s insulting, if you ask me.

If the Democrats really want to demean the fairer sex, at least they could do it with some flair. Let me show them how it’s done. What do women want? We want someone who is good with a spatula, who looks like a million bucks in his chef’s apron as he flips a stack of jacks. We want a rich and generous guy, someone who is always first to pick up the tab.

The only problem for the Democrats is that what women want seems to line up with Republican Mitt Romney.

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