And now, back without popular demand, the NFL midseason Serby Awards:
MVP
Matt Ryan, QB, Falcons: He’s 7-0 and 50-19 since fumigating the stench of Michael Vick and Bobby Petrino, but to be hailed as elite, he will need to improve on his 0-3 playoff record and live up to the nickname Matty Ice.
OFFENSIVE PLAYER OF YEAR
Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings: So hard to fathom that “Purple Jesus” (league-leading 775 rushing yards) is his dominant, violent, explosive self so soon following December reconstructive knee surgery.
DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF YEAR
J.J. Watt, DE, Texans: Jerry Jones was so desperate to keep Tony Romo upright that he drafted OT Tyron Smith instead. The Sultan of Swatted Passes has more than offset the departure of Mario Williams,
COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR
Peyton Manning, QB, Broncos: Wait until he chips off the rust. Tony Sparano For President buttons would have sold out within minutes. If only the Jets had been interested.
COACH OF THE YEAR
Joe Philbin, Dolphins: Didn’t score many charisma points on “Hard Knocks,” but working magic with a rookie quarterback and “Play like a Dolphin” means what “Play like a Jet” was supposed to mean.
OFFENSIVE ROOKIE OF YEAR
Robert Griffin III, QB, Redskins: Andrew Luck will turn out to be the better quarterback, but in the meantime, RG3 has been a breathtaking, precocious symbol of hope who can beat you with his arm and his legs.
DEFENSIVE ROOKIE OF YEAR
Chandler Jones, DE, Patriots: Exactly what the Jets needed to get after Tom Brady, a natural pass rusher (six sacks) who could have enabled Rex Ryan to suit Mike Tannenbaum up in No. 24 and patrol Revis Island. Except Rex liked Quinton Coples better.
PLAY OF THE YEAR
The Fail Mary: Russell Wilson-to-Golden Tate — left cheated Packers restless in Seattle and led to the end of the replacement ref experiment.
BEST BARGAIN
Victor Cruz, WR, Giants: All those clutch catches and TDs and a salsa demonstration to boot for a mere $545,000 salary.
WORST BARGAIN
Mario Williams, DE, Bills: The Bills would have given him his own Buffalo Wild Wings franchise if the six-year, $100 million free agent contract wasn’t enough. And in return they have gotten 3.5 sacks.
And the others…
QUARTERBACK OF THE EAR: Accepting the first Holyfield for Texans QB Matt Schaub, Mike Tyson.
THE HUGGIES: Accepting for Bears QB Jay Cutler and Panthers QB Cam Newton, Bill Parcells.
THE IMMACULATE DETENTION: Tim Tebow.
THE APPRENTICE: Accepting for former Eagles defensive coordinator Juan Castillo, Donald Trump.
THE BRETT FAVRE: Ravens WR Torrey Smith. for playing on — and excelling — following the death of his brother.
THE TITANIC: Your Kansas City Chiefs.
THE LIGHTNING A-ROD: Tony Romo and Michael Vick (tie).
THE PETE ROSE PRISON WITHOUT BARS: Plaxico Burress.
EXECUTIVE OF THE YEAR: John Elway, for recruiting Peyton Manning to Denver.
THE LINDSAY LOHAN: Aqib Talib, Bill Belichick’s problem child now.
THE LANCE EASLEY: Fail Mary side judgeLance Easley.
MOST EXCITING PLAYER: Vikings WR Percy Harvin. Might have been a Jet if not for the Mark Sanchez trade.
MOST EXCITING PLAY: RG3’s 76-yard TD romp vs. Vikings.
THE CHREBET: Accepting for Stevie Brown, Victor Cruz.
BEST NICKNAME : Rams kicker Greg “The Leg” Zeurlein, or “Legatron” (tie)
THE TRICKY DICK NIXON: Buccaneers coach Greg Schiano. All’s fair in love and war and college football, but the NFL? Tom Coughlin could have used General Odierno to straighten the rook out.
THE TABASCO: Accepting for Miami RB Reggie Bush, Rex Ryan.
THE FLUTIE: Seahawks QB Russell Wilson. Upset starter over Matt Flynn, to make a long story short.
THE SAINT MISBEHAVIN’: Saints LB Jonathan Vilma and interim coach Joe Vitt (tie).
THE JACK NICHOLSON SHINING: 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh and Lions DT Ndamukong Suh (tie).
BEST ENDING: Cowboys WR Dez Bryant’s fingertip out of end zone vs. Giants.
WORST ENDING: Seahawks 14, Packers 12.
THE JACK YOUNGBLOOD: Cowboys TE Jason Witten (spleen).
BEST ROOKIE RB: Redskins Alfred Morris.
THE CHRISTIE BRINKLEY: Falcons TE Tony Gonzalez, forever young.
THE SEAL TEAM SIX COURAGE AWARD: Post NFL pick “expert” Dave Blezow, for continuing to post his Locks of the Week.
steve.serby@nypost.com