Sports

Storm of thoughts blow through idle mind

I knew this was going to be a bad one. The moment Mike Francesa told us there’s not much to worry about, this one was going to be colossal.

Still, darkness, powerlessness, TV-less living allows the senses to see less and imagine more. And, as occupational hazards go — and since Monday night — I’ve been imagining Sandy as it blows through one ear, then out the other. For example:

* The NCAA declared that until further notice, classes for Division I football and basketball players have been cancelled.

* I think I heard Gary Cohen holler, “I’m outta here!”

* Brandon Steiner Collectibles is offering fully authenticated, Derek Jeter-autographed, Sandy-blown barbecue grill covers.

* Moose Johnston: “Words fail me.”

* Michael Kay: “Wind gusts were an unmanageable 90 mph.”

* An ESPN graphic: “Power outages throughout New Jersey, New York and Connecticut, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen confirms.”

* Roger Clemens: “Is there a trainer in the house?!”

* John Sterling: “It is high! … It is far! … It is… gone! … No, wait a second. … What’s that? It landed. It hit the right field wall? Oh, it knocked over the right field wall. … Well, the sight lines here make it difficult to see from where we are … ”

* Suzyn Waldman: “John, I thought exactly the same thing. It was close, but I thought it was gone. The wind must’ve blown it back.”

* Tuesday, 2:30 a.m.: An 80-mph gust beckoned me to the front door. Using a flashlight, I looked out the front window. A man stood there! I shone the light on his face! I recognized him! It was … it was … FOX’s Jimmy Johnson, not a hair out of place.

* Craig Carton: “Hey, Boomer, is Sandy a chick or a dude?”

* Yankees executive Lonn Trost: “Actually, all those empty seats you see down there are completely sold out. Those ticket-holders are watching Sandy on the large, high-def TV screens in the Legends Restaurant.”

* Sign above Jimmy Dolan Emergency Disaster Relief Center: “A $5 facility fee will be charged in order to enter.”

* Mike Mayock: “You’ll see on the radar screen the point of insertion as Sandy goes vertical instead of north and south, as it elevates. Once it fakes the bubble screen on the edges, and the soft-two zone breaks down, the abbreviated nickel defense follows. I don’t like that defensive package. At this point, someone from the National Guard has to step up and make a play.”

* Jon Gruden: “Exactly, Mike.”

* FOX sideline reporter Pam Oliver: “I just spoke with Sandy, and Sandy said to me, ‘Pam …’ ”

* Robinson Cano: “Sorry, no time to chat. Gotta run.”

* Mike Francesa: “My boat house is OK, the five-car garage is good, and the pool cabana is fine. But a lot of our bushes will need replacing. I’m rich, ya know, and in storms like these rich people suffer a lot more than everyone else because they have so much more to lose. … Ralph from Ronkonkoma, go ahead … ”

* Tim Tebow: “No time for any of that. Sandy’s coming!”

* Chris Russo volunteered to deliver emergency supplies to neighborhood homes, “But everywhere I went their lights were out, so I figured no one was home.”

* Manny Ramirez: “That’s just Sandy being Sandy.”

* Branch Rickey: “Residue is the residue of bad luck.”

* Antonio Cromartie: “This storm gives me valuable family time — more  family time.”

* Cablevision: “Due to Hurricane Sandy, subscribers will be charged a disconnect fee as well as a reconnect fee.”

* Tim McCarver: “Late in the game, in this kind of situation, you’ve got to protect First and Third Avenues.”

* Keith Hernandez: “Devastating. Morton’s is closed, Del Frisco’s is closed, The Striphouse is closed, Ruth’s Chris is closed, both Palms are shut. Where do ya get a decent steak around here?”

* Woody Johnson: “I regret to inform you that all of our Jets’ PSL contracts, related paper work and data stored on our hard drives have been destroyed by water and wind damage. All of our billing records, signed contracts and abilities to contact our subscribers are lost.

“So, Monday morning, we’re asking all pre-existing PSL owners to show up at the stadium to re-register. Otherwise, we’ll have no way of knowing if you previously bought PSLs, thus will be unable to bill you in the future. Please bring your checkbooks or credit cards. Lines will be alphabetized to prevent crowding and to ensure order.

“Those who purchased $80,000 or more in Jets’ PSLs will be given free coffee and donuts, as long as the supply lasts.”