INNOCENT: The man who accused Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo, of sexual abuse recanted yesterday. (
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Just in time for sweeps came two sex scandals that have given news shows, talking heads and late-night TV hosts a reason to live now that the presidential election is over. One involves men in green, the other a furry creature in red.
One was discounted yesterday, but for the other one all that’s left is the inevitable long climb to the podium of shame, heads down, TV cameras rolling.
Even though we know the drill, we still can’t get enough.
The worse the scandal, the bigger the ratings. There was the assistant coach and his closed-mouth boss; the congressman whose Tweeted, er, weiner became TV’s most-pixelated moving man part. There was the governor who screwed the wrong people — and then a hooker, another ex-governor/movie star who already had a sexy wife but who took up with the housekeeper who looked like the wife of General “Betrayus.” General Betrayus, meantime, and his sidekick, Gen. John Allen, have recently taken time out from keeping the world safe for democracy to engage in foreign affairs with the military equivalent of the Kardashians meet “The Real Housewives of DC.”
Shocked? Why? Isn’t the reason these skinny guys (Ahnald excepted) become international men of mystery in the first place is to get hot chicks?
But when the Elmo scandal hit, it was too much for my feeble brain to absorb.
Naively, I had actually thought Mitt Romney’s attempt to shoot Big Bird out of the sky was as nasty as it was ever going to get on “Sesame Street.”
The accusation against Mr. Elmo, a k a Kevin Clash, was like finding out that Mr. Rogers was a child slaver or something.
Then, yesterday, the accuser retracted his original complaint and said through his attorneys the equivalent of, “Oh I forgot, I was a consenting adult when I did what I did with Mr. Elmo.”
Thing is, the retraction will get not much more than a mention on the news and then it’ll be gone. If the kid had stuck to his story, however, the news shows would have taken Elmo down like a bad Santa.
Thing is, TV can make everyone look guilty. Or innocent.
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Maybe it was Hurricane Sandy, or maybe it was Hurricane Khloe Kardashian, but since the hurricane hit, my family seems to have collectively lost interest in “The X Factor.” Yes, we were evacuated and no, we couldn’t watch TV for those eight nights, but when we got back into our apartment, the last thing we wanted to see was a rich, clueless Kardashian while all around us, the city was coming undone.
“X” ratings, meantime, are half what they were last year, even though viewers seem to like Mario Lopez as much as they dislike Kong-dashian.
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You know those TV spots where the Publishers Clearing House van goes around giving 6-foot-long checks to winners ?
Today, the van heads to the NYC ASPCA. They’d been picked by voters as a favorite charity just before Sandy hit. In total 13,000 animals were rescued by the ASPCA since last month. They need money. If you need help with your pet, call the Hurricane Sandy pet hotline (347-573-1561).