The US unemployment rate has been pretty lousy for a while. Luckily, no one blames President Obama for this, as the recent election showed. And why should they? The government has done everything right: It enacted a huge stimulus, built infrastructure, passed ObamaCare to make sure employees are healthy and it supplied businesses with millions and millions of people just standing around waiting for work.
So if the government has done its part, and there still aren’t enough jobs, then who should we blame? Obviously, it’s the fault of those lazy, good-for-nothing businesses and job creators.
Society is organized into three groups. First and most important, we have politicians — mostly unsullied by the stench that comes with having worked in the private sector — who decide the nation’s direction. Then we have everyday workers whose main job is to elect and re-elect those politicians.
And on society’s lowest rung, we have job creators and business owners. They’re awful people who often like to be all rich even though others find that infuriating — but thankfully, they’re not numerous enough to have much voting power. The only reason we keep these wretches around is for the jobs they provide and the tax money we get from them.
But if they aren’t supplying jobs, why do we put up with them?
As Obama explained to these cretins in his “you didn’t build that” speech, the government does most of the work involved in job creation. It builds all the roads and bridges, and the job creators are left with the extremely simple task of building businesses along those roads. It’s something children do all the time with lemonade stands (or at least they did before regulations cracked down on that).
That’s why Obama and many other politicians have never created businesses before: It’s child’s play.
Yet business owners aren’t creating more jobs. Instead, many are threatening to lay people off and cut employees’ hours because of ObamaCare. They say they’re doing it because Obama’s policies hurt “profits.”
Businesses are worried about profits? How greedy can these people be? Why can’t they be like the government, which has never once worried about profits? Look at what a finely-tuned, well-oiled machine it is — and it only costs a trillion dollars more per year than we can afford.
So what should we do? Republicans say we should coddle businesses. “Oh, poor job creators, can we cut your taxes some more? How about we get these regulations out of your way? And would you like a foot massage?” It’s disgusting.
No, it’s time for tough love. Or better yet, tough hate.
What the unions did to Hostess was a good start. When that company wouldn’t provide the benefits the union wanted (once again because of some nonsense about “profitability”), they just went ahead and shut the company down.
Sure, it may be hard for the 18,500 employees who are going to be laid off, but they’ll find new jobs in a year or two. Anyway, we can’t let the prospect of job losses keep us from going after businesses owners where it hurts them the most: their companies.
And that’s the tough line the government needs to take with job creators: You will spit out those jobs we demand — and good ones with health-care benefits! — or we will destroy you and your businesses.
Raising their taxes by repealing the Bush tax cuts is just the start. We need even more taxes and punishing regulations. We need to treat these people like the scum they are, and if they don’t want to watch their companies burn, they’ll yield and finally expand their businesses and create more jobs — and not make any more profit or get richer when they do that, because we find that highly annoying.
We’ve had enough of your sickening greed, business owners, so give us everything we want, and give it to us now.
Political satirist Frank J. Fleming’s new e-book is “How To Fix Everything in America Forever.”