Q: How do you know that women have more problems with women than with men in the workplace?
Katherine Crowley: One study showed that women feel they have to compete 90 percent of the time with other women rather than men. There’s quite a bit of research done which shows women feel they are targeted by other women.
Q: What happening here?
Kathi Elster: It’s a socialization issue. We’re not interested in perpetuating this myth that all women are bitches. But there is a “mean girls” syndrome. We compete in a covert way because we really need one another. We’re very relationship-oriented and we care very much about other women, but when you get to the workplace and you have to compete with them, conflict arises. On the one hand, we want to be friends. On the other hand, we want to win something.
Crowley: The other thing is the workplace is fundamentally changing. Women comprise almost 50 percent of the workforce. The likelihood of a woman working for a woman is much higher than it’s ever been.
Q: What types of women typically go after other women in the workplace?
Elster: One of the worst are ice princesses. They’re equally mean to everybody. The problem is they don’t have the ability to feel for other people.
They’re kind of narcissistic. They attack by shutting out, like if you walk in the room, they just walk out. That’s how they handle another woman. They send this horrendous energy.
Q: What’s the best way to handle an ice princess?
Crowley: You have to take extreme self-care. It’s a toxic environment you’re in.
You’ve got to seek out people who really value and appreciate you. Take care of yourself until you find a way to get out of that situation.