This was Dec. 6, when Canceler-in-Chief Gary Bettman and deputy Bill (The Hill) Daly delivered their Angry Men standup routine at a press conference after a group of players had the temerity not to sign on the dotted line even after a handful of owners all but directed them to do so.
Bettman was asked about the possibility the NHLPA might decertify. After suggesting the players were more likely to file a disclaimer of interest, he analyzed the union’s potential legal maneuver as follows:
“We don’t view it in the same way in terms of its impact as apparently the union may,” is what the discredited face of the NHL said.
Well, OK, but then what was the NHL doing rushing to U.S. District Court on Friday afternoon to file a class action complaint against the union in order to prevent the PA from disclaiming and/or decertifying?
Disclaiming and decertifying are neither maneuvers nor tenets PA executive director Don Fehr embraces easily. This true believer in the power of collective bargaining has been loath to go down this route even while the rank-and-file has coalesced behind the process over the last month.
And yet here is the No Hope League, in court rather than on ice, filing actions to prevent the PA from undertaking an action of its own that the league is on record as believing would have negligible impact, anyway.
Reading the NHL’s complaint is a hoot. Honestly, it is. Before this — and the last couple of weeks — who would have believed the league’s hierarchy that includes Proskauer Rose power counsel Bob (The Buster) Batterman were such cut-ups?
Stop and think for a moment. Here is the league that just over a week ago was doing everything in its power to keep Don Fehr out of the bargaining process, and is now going to court to ensure he continues to represent the players in the bargaining process.
For weeks now, the NHL has sent its messengers to deliver the message the NHLPA is not truly united behind Fehr and union leadership; that the players, left to their own decision-making process, would rush to accept whatever the league at the time had on the table.
Or, in another word, “Vote!”
Yet there in Paragraph 54 of the complaint is the NHL citing numerous examples of players articulating support for Fehr and the PA leadership which the league posits, “… do not suggest that the NHL players are unhappy with their Union representation [or] wish to oust current NHLPA leadership…”
Don Fehr. League can’t live with him, now the league can’t live without him.
Paragraph 102 is a good one. For months the NHL has been telling anyone who would listen that up to 18 of its franchises lose money, with many of those franchises in need of life support. For months the league has been instructing us not to confuse revenue with profits.
Fair enough.
But then these are the league’s own words right there in Paragraph 102: “The system of common employment rules [the CBA] instituted in 2005 improved the financial stability of the entire NHL, including most of its clubs…”
Most of its clubs?
Really?
Hmm.
What to make of the thought process behind Paragraph 62?
The combination of restrictions proposed by the NHL leading into and throughout the lockout is designed to limit the impact of free agency and funnel players toward teams they might not consider given a full plate of options.
Yet there is the NHL in Paragraph 62 suggesting every player in the league become a free agent if the NHLPA were permitted to disclaim or decertify.
“[Existing] contracts …[would be] void and unenforcable by law,” in the league’s own words.
Goodbye Columbus!
And wouldn’t it just be grand if, under universal free agency, not a single player would choose to sign with Jeremy Jacobs’ Bruins?
But if searching for a side-splitter, one only need to turn to Paragraph 22, which contains a collection of words destined to live forever in the history of comedy.
For this is what the league declares to U.S. District Court, Southern District of New York in Paragraph 22 of its class action complaint for declaratory relief:
“The NHL is engaged in, among other things, the public exhibition of professional hockey games…”
Hahahahahahahahaha.
(Deep breath)
Hahahahahahahahaha.