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Can you believe it’s that time again? It is that time again. So let me paraphrase Coach Taylor and declare: “Clear throats, fake lyrics, can’t lose!”
“A Few of My Favorite Jets”
(“A Few of My Favorite Things”)
Woody who soaks his fans dry with high prices
Tanny who thinks nine-and-seven suffices
Rex who talks like Murrow smoked cigarettes
These are a few of my favorite Jets …
Chatty linebackers and catty receivers
Quarterback backups who reach True Believers
Angry assistants who ape Bernie Goetz
These are a few of my favorite Jets …
When the Pats romp, when the Fish stomp
When I’m feeling green …
I simply remember Nineteen Sixty Nine
And then I don’t feel …
So mean ….
Sanchize who floats ’em and oftentimes fumbles
Sal Palantonio reduced to mumbles
Offensive linemen who do pirouettes
These are a few of my favorite Jets …
“It’s the Most Wonderful Knicks Team in Years”
(“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)
It’s the most wonderful Knicks team in years …
When Camelo’s on fire
With no more flat tire
And no mutineers!
It’s the most wonderful Knicks team in years …
It’s the Kidd, Kidd-iest feeling of all
See the old man shoot set shots
And Woodson connect dots
And Sheed shoot the ball!
It’s the Kidd, Kidd-iest feeling of all …
Felton’s quite a ball handler
He feeds it to Chandler
And J.R shoots all he can take
There’ll be plays for Amar’e
(But not Gallinari
Who still thinks that trade’s a mistake?)
It’s the most wonderful Knicks team in years …
Brewer, Shumpert, Prigioni
This isn’t baloney
Lift high all your beers
It’s the most wonderful Knicks …
(No your mind’s not playing tricks …)
It’s the most wonderful Knicks team in years!
“God Rest Ye, Sandy Alderson”
(“God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen”)
God rest ye, Sandy Alderson
Let nothing give you blight
Your outfield’s empty, so’s your catching
And your bullpen’s light
Your lineup’s filled with ham-and-eggers
(Oh, and David Wright)
Will you have enough players left to play
Opening Day
Will the Wilpons let you ease the fans’ dismay …
“The Yankees Song”
(“The Christmas Song”)
A-Rod limping on arthritic hips
Pettitte shuts his eyes to doze
CC’s arm, elbow swirling with chips
And Jeter … hobbling on his toes …
Everybody knows …
That Ichiro is thirty-nine
Youk’s a youthful thirty-three
There’s Kuro-da, aging like Merlot wine
They’re not just old … they’re rickety.
They know the season’s on its way
They’ve got to hit the whirlpool if they want to play
And tell the manager they’re good to leave
One Ibuprofen, two Advils, and three Aleve
And still I’m offering this simple guess
That once they play one-sixty-two
They’ll stand tall in fall (and only on YES!)
Won’t bet against them. Will you?
“I Saw Tommy Outcoach Belichick”
(“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”)
I saw Tommy outcoach Belichick
Underneath the Indy dome last year
No one thought he’d do it twice
So they gave him this advice
“Keep it close, see how it goes
Then Maybe Eli gets you near.”
Then I saw Tommy outwit Belichick
Take him to the woodshed one more time
He’s a quiet engineer
But the Hoodie quakes in fear
Tommy’s team makes one more playoff climb
Whack Back at Vac
Joan Mettler: We know David Wright is the face of the franchise, and with 20 wins, Dickey must’ve been an arm. With that anatomy lesson over, could you please tell me the rest of the body parts that comprise the Mets?
Vac: Not in a family newspaper, I can’t.
Bradley J. Mortensen: When it comes to the Big East Catholic schools … sometimes prayers are answered!
Vac: Can anyone spare a Novena or two for the future
of St. Bonaventure, Duquesne and the good Catholics
in the Atlantic 10.
@vincepelligrin: This is the NBA version of a bizarro season: The Knicks are great, the Lakers stink. What’s next?
@MikeVacc: Maybe we should ask the Mayans.
Alan Hirschberg: A little late in the Jets’ QB nickname, but how about: “Moe, Larry and Underthrows Kerley”?
Vac: Couldn’t possibly keep that out of the paper.
Vac’s Whacks
When the Nets’ Joe Johnson hit the game-winner in double OT on Friday night, with Jerry Seinfeld sitting courtside, the great Ian Eagle didn’t miss a beat before declaring, “That’s real! And it’s spectacular!” One of a thousand reasons he’s among our most prized local treasures.
* If Braylon Edwards and the Jets can get back together, there has to be hope for Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, right?
* It’s had it’s share of shaky moments the past few weeks, but I’m still wondering what to do with Sunday night once “Homeland” goes away after tonight.
* Eli vs. Matty Ice? Please.