It’s the least wonderful time of the year.
If you’re single, that is. The period from late December to Valentine’s Day has now come to be known as “National Breakup Season.” A Yahoo dating survey found that couples are more than twice as likely to call it quits during these weeks.
In 2010, data cruncher David McCandless analyzed more than 10,000 status updates on Facebook and found that breakups began climbing at the end of November, peaking just before Christmas. Another spike appeared just before spring.
“The weeks between Christmas and Valentine’s Day are usually the coldest and darkest time of the year,” adds J. Michael Curtis, relationship expert and author of “Try It This Way.” “During that period, many people feel dispirited and discouraged.”
So how can you tell if you’re about to get the old winter heave-ho? Here are a few danger signs to look for.
The phone isn’t ringing
“The sweet little phone calls you used to have daily have been whittled down to short, quick calls that have to do with details,” says Tamsen Fadal, PIX 11 anchor and co-author of “Why Hasn’t He Called?” “You may as well be talking to your brother.”
Overall, reduced communication of any kind — be it text messages, e-mails or something archaic called face-to-face chatting — signals there’s trouble in paradise.
The best plan is no plan
If your significant other is reluctant to make plans in advance or offers the disclaimer that plans might be broken if something better comes up, your relationship might be sunk, Curtis says.
Let’s not get physical
“When the chemistry goes, that is a good sign he could be gone too,” Fadal says. “This could also be the stress of the holiday season, but be aware it could be a problem if it goes on too long.”
“This one should be at the top of the list,” Curtis says.
Spare some change?
One perhaps doom-worthy sign for couples is when both parties want the other to become someone else.
“You wish your partner would change some of her irritating habits and feel a subtle pressure that you ought to change too, if you want her to appreciate you more,” Curtis says.
You just feel a cold wind a-blowing
“I am a big believer in going with your gut,” Fadal says. “It is quite possible he doesn’t exhibit many of the telltale signs that are often associated with a breakup, but you just feel it.”
Curtis agrees. “Our senses take in and our brain processes a million subtle clues that run beneath our consciousness,” he says. “What you feel in your gut may very well be an indication of the real thing.”
You start asking that dreaded question
When you’re together, he’s remote and distant, and you are forced to ask him things like, “What are you thinking about?” or, “What’s wrong?”
“If you hear yourself asking those questions, you need to quickly turn them inward and answer them for yourself,” Fadal says.
Go to Vegas, for all I care
“If you used to get grief for that boys’/girls’ night out, but suddenly the resistance is gone, this could be a sign your significant other doesn’t care what you do,” Curtis says. “And that’s never a good sign.”