Hondo, 3-1 in spread activity last weekend, maintained his exalted position in the Bettor’s Guide penthouse, which is less crowded by half thanks to the welcomed exits of Serby and Schwartz.
Before forging ahead with his conference championship plays, Mr. Aitch would be remiss if he didn’t provide a proper salute to Mark Cannizzaro for his artful performance last week. Cannizzaro, who was 1-3 during the wild-card weekend, shocked the Guide by going an incredible 4-0. It was almost as if he was possessed by some sort of small but powerful force that steered him away from his usual mediocrity.
As for the games:
49ers-Falcons: Hondo’s all in with the Kaeped Krusader after watching the 49ers’ demolition of the Packers. The Falcons obviously struggle against double-threat QBs — they couldn’t plug the Cam dam during the regular season, and Russell Wilson strafed them by land and air in the second half Sunday. The Niners’ will leave their Colin card as the monkey remounts the Dirty Birds’ backs. 49ers, 31-23
Ravens-Patriots. It’s Crab Cakes vs. Lobster. Normally, Hondo would opt for the latter, but the number is too large a donation for a team that could claw its way to an outright win. Just look at the body of recent work between the two teams: Five of the last six tussles have been decided by an average of 3.2 points, including the Ravens’ 31-30 win in Week 3. Even Gisele knows the Patriots’ only hope is to pray for Tommy in a game that could come down to a Hail Mary. Ravens, 31-27
As for other issues of relevance:
The Broncos-Ravens game was off the charts on the Thrill-O-Meter, so much so that Hondo hears Al “Loose Bowels” Roker suffered another brown-out.
Al’s forecast for the weekend: Partly cloudy with a chance of heavy skidmarks.
It’s hard to quantify how bad the Broncos’ secondary was in the loss to the Ravens, but emauler Ed Buckmir suggests it probably was the worst performance in Denver since Obama’s first debate.
According to a survey, there has been a sharp rise in the number of coeds seeking sugar daddies to pay for their education — it’s a Funding for Fondling Program.
Obama has agreed to waive the background check for Lady Gaga and her gun bra. He recognizes she has to wear it to kill the animals she needs to make her meat dress.
Obama announced this spring U.S. troops in Afghanistan will have a different mission: training, advising and assisting Afghani forces. That’s so thoughtful of the President to keep the Taliban up to speed on his military strategy.
Former South Carolina Governor and hiking enthusiast Mark Sanford announced Wednesday he will run for Congress. He feels he has a lot to offer to a nation trying to get its affairs in order.
Hillary now is scheduled to testify under oath before Congress about Benghazi next Wednesday. However, sources say her rotator cuff has been bothering her lately and it could prevent her from raising her right hand.
Reluctant Presidential candidate Mitt Romney on Hillary’s possible testimony: What’s the big deal about this Benghazi thing?
Bill Clinton proclaimed in an interview Hillary has “always been very healthy … and she’s still got time to have three more husbands after me.” K-Dog
of Md. says he hears Bill has offered to head up the search committee.
Al Pacino has signed on to play Joe Paterno in an upcoming movie about the Penn State coach. To get ready for the role, Pacino has been practicing looking the other way.
Manti Te’o seemed to be holding up well in the wake of the scandal involving his dead virtual girlfriend, Lennay Kekua. Sources say he’s just keeping it real.
Most everyone presently and formerly in the Notre Dame community agrees the hoax is another black mark on the Irish record. The lone dissent comes from undefeated former Irish coach George O’Leary, who doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about.
The way Alabama ran over the Irish linebacker during the BCS title game, the girlfriend wasn’t the only part of the Te’o tale that was fraudulent. He must have been thinking of his virtual girlfriend when he was making all of those virtual tackles and sacks.
Now we know why Te’o kept going for the Alabama fakes … You had to know something was up when Brent Musburger never once gushed about Lennay’s beauty … Guess this explains why Brian Kelly’s “Win One For Lennay” speech before the Alabama game fell on deaf ears … Manti Te’o confesses all: Next Oprah!
BarkingMut, aka HondoNation’s South Beach Bureau Chief, files this report on the NFL’s coaching three-ring circus: Brian Kelly remains at Notre Dame, Chip Kelly goes to the Eagles, and Emmitt Kelly stays with the Jets.
Mo’ Mut: Obama just signed another executive order impacting the NFL, banning the shotgun formation, the pistol formation, the bullet pass, the long bomb, and any QB with a rifle arm.
Kerry Kennedy’s lawyer intends to file a motion to dismiss the case against her for driving while drugged. Even though she failed a sobriety test, had slurred speech and had Ambien in her blood, her defense team will cite an important legal precedent: She’s a Kennedy.
Now that Al “Big Oil” Gore sold his unwatchable cable station to Qatar-owned Al Jazeera, the former VP has become a VIP over there. In fact, Hondo hears at next week’s European Tour tournament in Qatar, Al has been invited to play in the pro-am and will be paired with leaders from Hamas, Hezbollah and the Taliban.